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Unread postby disstressedmom22 » Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:21 pm

I need opinions sober or not users, online. my son in law aand duaghter moved in a month ago. he went to rehab, 10 days, detoxed there when he said he did at home. daughter probably had alot to do with him coming home early although i was told it was insurance, blah blah,

first week home he said he was awful,, (i wasn't here) 2nd he was racey hiper yellin,, talkin a little bout problems, anxious sort of what i expected,,,,
leaves for meetings every night. couple days ago he amd she had a fight, he also had access now to money, he has been cleaning sweet, mild manored, he lights incense outside on my porch everyday before i get home and his good mood i startded thinking he might be smoking,?? don't know didn't say anything to anybody.
when i got home today he left to do a errand, which would take about a hour. i went outside and there was a make shift pipe from tin foil and lighter. he came back in few minutes, went straight to back yard and went to where the pipe was, ( which i took and hid. i had to think, not sure what to do about the situation talk to him, what ?? )
He saw it was missing and ask if i saw it he said he found it in the corner of the yard,, then said my dog was eating it that's why it was there, he wanted to show me, the pipe, sitting next to my daughters lighter she uses for candles, he said he smokes cigs (dont see any) he says he lights incense everyday (inside the porch, now lighter and pipe are together outside. I asked him if he found it like he said why didnt he just throw it away and why was it sitting with the lighter?? reply cigs incense etc,, and he said in meetings if this happens he should address it right away,, like finding a pipe somewhere ?? WHAT IS THE TRUTH would meetings tell you to hold it and talk about it next to a lighter that is never outside, i know you dont know him but please give me your honest opinion

Re: trust

Unread postby abclimo » Sat Oct 01, 2011 7:53 am

Distressed Mom: Thanks for your post. It sounds like the first week home, he was detoxing with the hyperness, yelling, etc. It also sounds like he was craving the drug really bad. While this is just my personal opinion, I think he's back to using, which accounts for the more mild mannerisms. The statistics are that the average addict will have 7 trips through detox. The fact that you found a pipe and he is lighting incense, etc. definitely shows that he is using again, maybe it wasn't what he used before, but if not, it sounds like he has a new drug of choice. He needs to be confronted, but not by you by yourself, just in case he gets angry. You can't deny the evidence. Also, if you really want proof positive, you could ask him to take a urine test, I know this sounds extreme, but urine tests don't lie. When addicts are in active addiction, they will lie to get money for drugs, they will lie that they are using, they will lie about anything if they think it will benefit them. You're not in an easy place to be, do you have a good line of communication with your daughter that you can talk to her about this? Maybe you could confront him together. Also, it would be helpful for you and your daughter to go to meetings, either an NA meeting or Naranon meeting, you'll get a lot of insight. I will keep good thoughts that things work out ok for you, I know this is difficult, but you'll find the courage you need and you'll find the right path.
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Re: trust

Unread postby robyn » Wed Nov 09, 2011 1:16 am

distressed mom,
i am new to this site, but when i saw your name i thought of myself. how old is your son??? i may have missed that, i will read again. in my opinion, hiding things versus confrontation of his obvious (to me anyway) drug use is not the way to go. but, that is why i am here. seems like you are walking on eggshells and i know the feeling. that is simply not okay. i wish to say more, but i cannot concentrate. i wish you strength of heart and mind! robynlee13

Re: trust

Unread postby escape from berlin » Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:00 am

he is inching his way back...been there soo many times, thats the way it goes. i lost my 22yr old to herion this july 4.. did her hair & make up in her coffin..think that would be enough to never touch drugs again..WRONG.. most of her friends came in to see her 4 the last time..HIGH..and bet they still are.. this is a deseace of pure denile. remove him from your world be for he brings you with him.. sorry 2 be so hard..its the only way to keep your family intact...every day he will become a bigger lier..( nature of this beast) after his anger subsides put a mirror in front of him..ask him who he really is now...if u have any video of him wasted show him! because he really cant see it like you do. plant the seed $ water it dailey...just know wen 2 let go...or your life will be just as miserable...god bless
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