How do you trust again? How do I get out?

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How do you trust again? How do I get out?

Unread postby paphoenix » Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:55 pm

My boyfriend was/is addicted to percocets. It has ruined our relationship. I have known him for 15 years and feel like everything I thought I knew was a lie. He has lied to me so much that I don't believe anything he has told me and it is making it difficult for me to trust him. I always think he's cheating or meeting someone for pills. He went to a doctor and was put on suboxone but he is still lying to me about things. He is always putting himself (and everyone else) before me. I have been trying to stick things out because I keep hoping that once he's truly "clean" he will be different but I'm nervous I'm wasting time only to find out that this is who he is with or without the drugs. I love him more than life but I'm afraid that I will never be a prioirty to him. I don't feel he can provide me what I need in life and a relationship but for some reason I don't want to be without him. I am wondering if I am addicted to him and if I will ever get out of this tourturesome situation. I need help and I don't know where to turn.

Re: How do you trust again? How do I get out?

Unread postby abclimo » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:36 pm

Hi and welcome! Have you tried going to an al-anon meeting or to an NA meeting? Either may be beneficial to you, because you'll hear stories of exactly what you are experiencing. We with the disease of addiction become so good at lying that we can actually make ourselves believe our lies. Once we get clean, it's important to become an honest person and that's difficult, because we've been lying to ourselves and others. I heard a speaker recently say the phrase WHO and I had never heard it before and had no idea what she was talking about. It means being Willling, Honest and Open-minded, which as an addict or recovering addict, it does take some doing to get to that point. I also heard someone else say that "lies keep us sick". It's important to know that suboxone can also be highly addicting and can take the place of the percocets as a substitute addiction. I can tell you that my husband was so suspicious of everything in the beginning and it made me so resentful of him. We actually attended counseling and talked about this topic more than once. I kept telling him it was time to let go of the past and move on. What I didn't stop to realize that until he was ready to deal with his anger towards me, he couldn't move on. It almost ended our marriage. The bottom line is you need to do what is best for you, and that may not be what is best for him. Don't stay in a relationship just because you're worried about what leaving could do to him. You've put him first for a long time and only you can decide what is best. You said you may be addicted to him, and that's a possibility that you are co-dependent. If he's just recently clean, maybe he'll change, if he's been clean for a while, he may never change. I wish you the best and I know it's not an easy decision to make.
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Re: How do you trust again? How do I get out?

Unread postby PRV1960 » Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:18 am

WOW....I would've sworn I wrote your post....I have been doing this with mine for about 15 years. Nothing changes and I know I am co-dependent....I am an enabler....I am used up and falling apart......I hate my life....I hate the things he does...I hate how he treats me....I hurt all the time...I cry everyday....but yet, I can't see my life without and these meetings, rehabs,Dr's, nothing helps him or me......I keep praying and asking God for help...I am at the bottom, and yet, he flourishes....go figure.....sorry to hear you are in this mess also, I will pray for you for me...I hate life and couldn't care any less about me anymore....You try to hang in there, and if you can.....RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK....MOVE FORWARD FOR YOU!!!

Re: How do you trust again? How do I get out?

Unread postby pmom3 » Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:10 am

I have been in your shoes and feel alone and hate the life that has been handed me.It is my son and hes been sober about a month and its the lies and the laziness and all the other bad habits that come from addiction that I am having the most trouble with. I did attend one alanon meeting and it does help. I know I need to get back. I would recommend it to everyone that has gone threw this. I am suspicious all the time and he is the main focus of our family life which seems to be suffering horribly. From reading these posts I think counseling is another option that may really help out. I have tried for years to help, as they call it. and I see I am def co-depenedent. I am left with sadness, resentment and many other negative feelings that are controlling my life and my happiness. Even with him sober now, there is alot more to it. He is 20 years old by the way.

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