Problems with Mothers!!!! So Angry!

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Problems with Mothers!!!! So Angry!

Unread postby Penelope » Mon Dec 23, 2013 10:33 am

(First of all sorry if my english isn't the most correct but it isn't my mother tongue)
So, my boyfriend is an addict and he is currently in rehab. He is going to be there for 9 month and there are some strict rules to be followed while he is in there.
Today he came home for the hollidays and he told me to call him on his mother phone and his mother answered because "he can't answer the phone, those are the rules".
Well I do understand why this rule exists - to prevent him from calling those toxic people that he used to hang with, but since I'm calling to his mothers phone did she really needed to answer the phone, she saw it was me!
I'm going to explain why this annoys me beyond reason. His mother is one of the biggest enablers I've ever met. She is so blind about her son that she always thought that he was okay when it was so obvious he was not. Not only that, during summer I did all my best to find him a job and give him some sort of a life (because being at home all day doing nothing besides consuming is not good), and after he got that job she always put him down about working, saying that that job was bad for him and pressuring him to give up. And trust me, that job was the best thing he got in years!!!! After he went to rehab she actually told me that it was the fact that he was working that made him consume drugs!!!! I'm just so angry at her, and I hate the fact that now she is considered his "protector" when she is the worst person to protect him! I mean, a mother is always a mother but not all mothers are good influences for their sons.
What can I do in a situation like this?
I just had to let this out because I'm really frustrated about this situation.
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Re: Problems with Mothers!!!! So Angry!

Unread postby Shebes » Sat Dec 28, 2013 4:53 pm


I can hear your frustration! I know you said that your boyfriend is going to be in a rehab for 9 months which is awesome because it will give him a good chunk of time to work on his addiction. I have several thoughts about your situation. First, I am hoping the place he is going has family therapy that will help address some of these issues with his mother. Likewise, they may do some couple counseling with the two of you and that would give you an opportunity to bring this issue to light as well. Codependancy is a difficult issue for anyone who loves an addict. My favorite books on the subject are Codependancy No More and The New Codependancy. You can not change her behaviors, or educate her if she isn't open to it, but you can work on your own boundaries with others and keep yourself as healthy as you can. I hope this helps.
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