Just found out my husband is an addict

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Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby Heather123 » Mon May 05, 2014 11:40 pm

Hello all. I'm very new to this so please bare with me this post may be all over the place because that's where my mind is.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for almost 4. When I met him he was taking Vicodin due to a back injury from a terrible car accident. Well he never really stopped taking it and though I have been worried about it I thought he was taking it as prescribed.

He came down to me last night after putting our 2 year old to sleep saying he had to talk to me. He told me that his is addictd to the pills and it's bad. He has a monthly script and I guess buys pills from a man he knows. I am very hurt and angry. We have been having financial difficulties- still able to make bills but not much more- for a while and I thought this was due to a pay cut. He told me that he spends 100's of dollars a week on these pills. He takes 20-40 a day.

I'm completely lost- I don't know what to do. I'm having trouble dealing with my emotions. I'm pissed that he put me and my child in this situation. I would ask him about money and he would get angry with me. Now looking back I guess it makes since but I was so blind and naive before.

He says he told me because the past 6 months have gotten out of control and he knows he needs help before he goes down deeper. We have looked into a inpatient detox and then a 14 day rehab. It amazes me that he was able to be so functional based on the amount he said he has been taking. He still went to work every single day and is an amazing father, that's scary.

He was however always tired- pretty moody etc. I just figured it was because he works long hours. I want to be there for him but I'm worried that there's not enough of me to take care of him, my son, and myself. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Like I said this is all over and I apologize. Any tips, encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Heather123
 

Re: Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby mermaiden143 » Wed May 28, 2014 2:01 pm

Heather,

You are allowed to feel everything that you are feeling, and i highly suggest you start going to Alanon or Naranon meetings. Truly the support and understanding of a group who has been through it all will surely help you cope with the past, present and future. It is a safe place to share these thoughts without feeling judged.

I am in a similar situation, although my fiance and i do not have as many years as you do with your husband and no children. I am here looking for some experience, strength and hope myself.

You didn't cause him to be an addict, you cannot cure him, and you can't control him. This is something i learned very early on and it helped tremendously.

I hope he is doing well since the post.

ODAT,
Megan
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Re: Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby marietaryn » Thu May 29, 2014 12:34 pm

hi.....I was an addict for 20yrs, 5yrs sober now.....I made the decision to get sober on my own, no1 could talk me in2 it. I was prescribed morphine, oxy's, Xanax bars and ambien. I was a total mess but didn't care, just wanted 2 fell that feeling of "I can do anything". I am also bipolar, I am compliant with my meds. the funny thing is, after the withdrawls of coming of the narcs,i felt even better then ever. my head cleared & I was able 2 realize what was important in life. my son, 19yrs, is now an addict. he has been buying oxy's off the street for 2yrs now. he has taken everything from me, money, jewelry, household items, wrote bad checks in my name, ect.... most of all he stole my trust 4 him, which I still struggle with 2day. he is in iop at lighthouse now, doing well, but im still having a hard time understanding him, even though I went through it myself. I have decided 2 go 2 my 1st alanon meeting Friday at soch, 7:30, if ur interested. I can relate 2 all that u have said and then some. the drugs take over completely the persons mind & body. they still love their family even though they are tearing us apart, but that is part of the addiction.
marietaryn
 

Re: Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby marietaryn » Thu May 29, 2014 1:38 pm

I was an addict for 1/2 my life, I am now 51yrs. ive been in recovery for 5yrs now. the thing is addicts do drugs 2 feel good about themselves...after the hard part of coming of the narcs, ive never felt better then I do now. I was prescribed some heavy duty meds like morphine, oxy's, Xanax, ect....., not buying them off the streets, but I didn't comply with my meds, just took them all the time. the addiction takes over ur mind, body, & sole. u cant control it & no1 can tell u otherwise, u have 2 want 2 stop. I went on suboxene 2 get of the meds, then got addicted 2 that. but 2day they have so many other options in other drugs 2 block those receptors in the mind that crave opiates its amazing. my son is now an addict, he is 19yrs, he has been addicted for 2yrs now. he is in out patient with lighthouse but has relapsed already. its easy for me 2 4get the things he might have said or did, the lies & the stealing. but its hard for me 2 forget the feelings of it all.
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Re: Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby halfwayhomes » Sun Aug 03, 2014 1:33 pm

Admit him in a rehab centre and you should be with him mentally and physically. A proper treatment with your sympathy can get rid of him.


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Re: Just found out my husband is an addict

Unread postby CleanTeena's/Old Man » Tue Oct 14, 2014 4:01 pm

Heather,

I realize this topic is a bit old but.... I know for a fact this type of thing Just doesn't just go away nor is anyone fully "cured" . Myself have been down this road. It started simply as a Percocet (5mg) once a day. It eased my Back pain and tbh it pep'd me up. I started this vicious cycle in my late 20's. I work in the construction trades. I imagine your husband my also. Pain killers are abundantly misused in the trades. The reason I say that is is that Men & Women of the trades are expected to do things that could seriously injure one's self. Lift extremely Heavy objects or hold things in position for long periods without letting them move. Repeat this 20x's a day, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a Year.... over a lifetime.......... BAM !!!!!! Pain !!!!.... Unavoidable Pain. So would say well just don't do it or avoid it... NO ! Men/Women of the Trades do NOT have that option. Time is Money and never forget there are 10+ guys ready to replace him/me if you can't/won't preform said, Task. Every working man/woman know this for a Fact. If we do NOT excel in the jobs assigned ? We are the first to Go when the jobs slow down. Myself having a Wife and two children I can assure you, we will do whatever is necessary to insure the bills are paid and a roof is over the Families heads. Come hell or High water the family will be safe.

Eventually, The Strong fit youthful bodies we once had become worn and tired, pain soon is a daily battle. Yes, Tylenol & stretching & tai-chi and other "Natural Remedies" can help. Trades people really can't find the time nor the will to get up a hour earlier than we already do 4:30 5:00 am is early enough (in my mind). Also the benefits are limited. Sooner or later someone suggests... "Hey, I got a Pill, that'll fix u up" or In your loved one's case, a Doctor prescribes "Pain Killers" for one reason or another. Once that happens it is only a matter of time before this hard working person falls into this trap. It is extremely easy for this to happen. Myself, Not that i'm proud of it but in my youth, there were few drugs that I would NOT do/use, RX pills being one of them. If i was ever offered them (Before my Addiction), I "snubbed" the person offering them saying "I'm NO Pill Popper" /shoo .... How the Mighty have Fallen, around 15 - 18 years ago I was offered a "percocet 5mg" from a person very close to me and I trusted very much. I though .... "what harm could 1 perc do and man my Back is Killing me". 30 minutes later :!: WOW :!: It felt like I was 18 again, Strong as an OX and nothing seemed like a "Hard Task"....

Idk how but soon I was taking about $100 - $150 dollars a day of these pills. The more pills I took the more money I would make. How ? How could this be bad? I was making money hand over fist. My bills were Paid, Rent was Paid, I actually had started saving money in the bank. I couldn't understand why they didn't just give this stuff to everyone?

Well... I found out soon enough. My supply went south, they were arrested. Then slowly, the rest of my connections either got locked up or stopped selling to prevent being locked up. Then......!!! SICK !!! set in.. The WORST felling I had ever felt. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy. I then knew what a huge mistake i had made. I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I couldn't Sleep. The only thing i really could do Is "crap my brains out"....(sorry for the mental imagery)
Depression set in fast. Lost that "Great Job", lost electricity, lost My Truck, Lost our (rental) Home... Everything seemed lost.
Luckily, a good friend call me and told me his boss needed a guy. I picked up my hurting body and forced myself out the door, down to the bus stop, all the way to meet this Man/Boss. The man hired me on the spot. Slowly I forced my hurting body back from the brink of destruction. Many have told me "B#llSh*t, you had to have had some kind of help" . The only help I had was my family, my wife who cared for me and my kids doing what they could to raise my sprites. Outside of that it was shear will.
Don't get me wrong..
I could easily fall right back........
If, If i were to take the tiniest piece of a pain killer/narcotic/opioid.

I did slowly comeback from this , everyday is a struggle. My problem was compounded about 2 years ago. An Auto accident herniated 4 discs in my lower back. My Pain has tripled. It takes me about a hour to get out of bed in the morning. I walk with a limp most of the time. The more i walk around/work the less I limp. By the time i get to work I'm walking fine for the most part. I have about 6 good hours of working before my pain is too intense & the limp returns. I work straight through no break, no lunch. If i stop I fear i wont get back up. I fight to finish the final two hours, the best i'm able. I do indulge in 2 Advil around noon and nibble on pretzels throughout the day.
I refuse to succumb to the Legal drug pushers telling me it's ok to take these pills (Vicoden, strongest Mg legally sold in the US) Why wont they just send me to a specialist that can fix me?
Tbh... there isn't any money in it for them to "Fix" me. Once im fixed. I wouldn't need them to "rehabilitate" or w/e you want to call it "forced exercise" and bill my insurance. It's bad enough i won't fall for their trick of "Hooking me on Pills".

I'm 44 now, haven't taken any pain killer/narcotic/opioid (willingly) in about 5 years (+/- a few months)
Yes, I hurt. Yes, I complain. yet I'm not slave to any one or thing.

Be Strong. Mind over matter & the love of your people will keep you going.

Teena's Old Man
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