He's in recovery/Im still haunted by his drug use though

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He's in recovery/Im still haunted by his drug use though

Unread postby mdb418 » Mon Apr 13, 2015 7:35 pm

I spent 11 years with a man I never knew. We started dating at age 16. we are now 30. We had a daughter,lived together and bought a house a few years back. I thought if we had some stability,a nice home and love for one another things would fall into place....that many of our problems were him just being a guy and immature. I always kind of bent to his needs even from an early age because its what made our relationship easier. I just wanted to be loved and happy and he just wanted to be free and do as he pleased. it was a tug a war. Things were ok after we bought our first home together in october of 2012 ....he seemed to be spending more time at home and focussing on his family which was a great sign for us. then slowly the money was disappearing, I was working more to compensate for the lack of food and stability we once had. The fighting became an every day occurrence and eventually he became less of a presence in our home. He would throw around words like he wasnt ready for this life, he never wanted to get married and its all i ever dreamt of...hurtful things he knew that would destroy me even if it was the truth. On mothers day I decided to snoop in his car and found the non payment of the mortgage notices piling up in his glove compartment. I noticed he had gotten multiple raises at work and even bonuses I never knew about. I saw bank statements showing our daughters saving had been drained...completely...along with our savings. I went to his friends for help in trying to understand this before I went to him. They did some digging around and talking to people and the information led back to a very bad addiction to percocet 30miligrams....like 10 a day. I was completely crushed...somewhat in denial but there was no other explanation so I forced myself to believe it. He was confronted. admitted. Went to meeting and slowly started using again only this time being more careful of his lies. i found out,asked for help from family he admitted and finally got sober for the first time since we met for an entire week. As luck would have it it didn't last long . he fell off a ladder at work on sober 8 and crushed his entire heal which required many surgeries and,medications and more time off of work...almost a year. He was abusing his medications and I HAD ENOUGH! Eventually he went back to work about 3 months later and the medication stopped being prescribed to him. My wildest nightmares came true...We lived together,in separate rooms,never communicating and silently hating each other for months. One day he came home early from work. He said I have to talk to you...explained he was worse then ever and leaving for rehab that day...within the hour. All my questions taken over with tears and trying to be strong for our daughter. In the facility I MET WITH HIM LIKE 2 WEEKS IN AND HE ADMITTED TO USING HEROIN THE LAST MONTH before he left. A piece of me died that day. My anger,tears,frustration,anxiety,depression have taken over...and this is only the half of it. We decided to split but still remained in the house living together because its easy right now. I do not make enough to provide my daughter with what she deserves and be on our own. I reside in the basement. for a whole year after recovery we did the coparenting coliving thing ok. His family always kind of blamed me for being a "bitch' because they never knew the hell which was our lives. He was put on a pedestal before i knew about his addiction bc he was always so pleasant and helpful to everyone except his own family...me and his daughter. Now hes worshipped for his getting sober and doing the right thing. I guess I'm mad because I lost friends,fought with family,lied for him,worked harder to hide his issues and he lost nothing. He has this amazing job,makes fabulous money,was able to leave and come back multiple times for rehab. Hes able to provide for himself and our daughter nicely. He can fix his car when its broke or go to the dentist or doctor because he has insurance. Im just angry. His addiction caused me to sacrifice the person I was and now Im this cold,closed off,easily aggitated,depression,anxiety filled mess. I get by. I can put the face on for work and get through the day but the simple thought of him brings me to tears even though were both dating other people. I feel broken and it him that holds the key to fixing me...but i dont want him to. Its like I hate him but nobody can say a word bad about him bc I'll defend him to the grave. He's a great dad...and most days I'm the problem. He's learned to handle his addiction with meeting and good friends...I feel alone and lost. I get even more upset because he is a great dad,and tries to help me but I cant allow him to help me...i physically can not. It hurts. If anybody has any words of wisdom to help me move forward from this Id greatly appreciate it. I just want to be a good mom,friend,daughter,employee again. I dont want to have to fake it...most importantly I just want to feel at peace and get some closure. Thank you all.
mdb418
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Re: He's in recovery/Im still haunted by his drug use though

Unread postby pattyo » Tue Apr 28, 2015 6:30 pm

HELLO. The first ting you need to do is not blame yourself. This is not because of what you did or what you did not do. Our son started with marijuana, then spice, then heroin. The heroin began AFTER his first rehab and his girlfriend injected him. My son hates needles. He is on his second rehab and walked out twice. He was told if he walks out again, that is it. We enabled him when he was younger. Now, we cannot help him anymore the way he needs help. He needs to get to the bottom of why his addiction has such a strong pull on him. THEY NEED TO HELP THEMSELVES and want to be sober. One does need a higher power and to follow the 12 steps, but they really have to want it. Again don't blame yourself. You have put up with enough. You have a daughter who needs you. When someone chooses to degrade you that is abuse. Again, help yourself. Don't buy into his addiction. Good luck
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Re: He's in recovery/Im still haunted by his drug use though

Unread postby Charlie43 » Fri May 22, 2015 5:07 am

Hey it's really a sad story! I hope you’ll find a solution to this. You know there are numerous famous alcoholics who have got their alcoholism treated and are now living their life happily. Just search a bit online.
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Re: He's in recovery/Im still haunted by his drug use though

Unread postby stn1203 » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:34 am

our son is 17 he was on all drugs possible , last he started heroine , he asked to go to rehab , now that he is there he isnt following the program , just sitting there making believe .we are spending crazy money on his recovery and he dosnt want to do the 12 steps , me and my wife were manipulated by his charm , please advise
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