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I never imagined nearly 10 years ago....

Unread postPosted: Wed May 11, 2016 5:47 pm
by July29
I never imagined nearly 10 years ago that I would wonder every time I look at his face if he was high.
When I said "I do", I dreamed of a home and children together. I just never realized that I would forever be haunted and chased by his addiction.
It's a terrible thing to constantly wonder if the father of your children is high, or if he's trying to make arrangements to get cocaine to get high.
At this point it seems like I should almost expect it. He goes back and forth between trying to rationalize that he controls it and admitting there is a problem.
The part that never changes is his willingness to seek outside help. My dumb ass has attempted to explain in a compassionate way that it's a disease and compare it to cancer.
I say dumb ass cause I'm reasoning with a coke addict! WTF am I doing? Can I please get some responses? I don't know where to turn.
No one knows. Everyone thinks my husband is just a typical guy. They don't see him pacing back and forth in and out of the house all night long.
They don't know that he actually hides under a pillow and will not look at me! They've never seen him break the toilet from flushing straws from the kids sippy cups down it.
Please someone tell me am I right is this completely unfixable, beyond repair?

Re: I never imagined nearly 10 years ago....

Unread postPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2016 4:23 pm
by DrSheilaHereNow
Hi: I am sorry that your life has taken such a turn. Anyone who has lived with someone else's addiction can identify with what you have written. It is text-book.

The first thing for you to do for you is to find some Al-Anon meetings in your area; or, see what is available on line. It has saved the lives of many, many people. It is anonymous and I have never known that trust to be broken; it is free; it is supportive; and you will gain much if you choose a great sponsor. (do not make this decision too quickly).

Get the book, "The Courage to Change." It is a daily reminder.

For your kids, take them to an Al Anon, Al-Ateen, or Al-a-Tot. If there are none, start one.:)

Keep the focus on yourself, not what your addict is doing. It is not about the addict. It is about you. "Let Go and Let God."
If you are doing any of the following, stop: picking him up when he falls on the floor; clean up after him if he vomits, etc., worry about him not looking at you-- it doesn't matter; if he is pacing, go sleep in another room or invite him to sleep elsewhere (do not start a fight over this, just take care of yourself. You need to be rested for your kids.
If he gets arrested, do not smooth it all over for him; if he gets in the car high, call the police. Do not let your children get in a car with him. Are you starting to get the idea that this is not about him, any longer.

AS you fail to get ensnared in his drama, he will have the space to get his own help.

Get a copy of the book, "Co-Dependent No More." by Melody Beattie.