when is enough enough??

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when is enough enough??

Unread postby Lablue » Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:34 pm

I am new to this and have come here with many frustrations so here it goes.....

My father dies of Pneumonia which was accompanied by HIV/AIDS which he contracted through a needle and/or the prostitute he lived with in a car in north philly......all my life i watched him come and go as much as he nodded out. "Jails, institutions or death!" is that what they say somewhere in a NA or AA mtg??? Well my father hit each one!! My mother on the other hand lucked out and at the age of 46 and finally got clean.....I am proud of her because I know that addiction has been a struggle for her since the age of 13. I am the oldest of 4....one sister and two brothers. We have seen too much...my sister and I pretty much fought to stay on track...went on to college...we were NEVER going down the road of our parents....my third sibling (the older brother) got addicted early....went on to jail and "Vwala" got it....he is a laborer, father and is growing in to becoming an admirable young man.....now finally my reason for this post...my baby brother...21 and is pursuing to be the best drug addict he can be....male prostitution, porn, theft, lies, jails, institutions.......what is left death??? We have 12 years between us..I always took care of him, tried to make his life more special when our parents were high, watched him and tried to protect him, let him live with me, gave him money and things that we never had as kids. Family members have extended there homes, finances, time, hearts to try to steer him in the right direction and at what cost....he robs us....not only of our material things but of our emotions. He holds us hostage with I will kill myself and i just want to die!!

My mother went to rehab for the last time 5 years ago and on the day she left I told my mother that I was moving past this part of my life and I meant it...I do not want to drag my new family through this like I was.

My sister still speaks with my brother even though he has hurt her the most....he has put her family in danger!

What can I do....I dont want to do anything I feel drained by him....but he still is crying that he is the baby and no one was ever there for him, we dont know what it is like to be him, we dont know what he is up against....everything is about him...and i know that that is what addiction does but i still cant help but think what can i do...

He just got bailed out of jail (by a friend...not us) went to a rehab center and is now looking for a halfway house....

Re: when is enough enough??

Unread postby Guest » Thu Aug 28, 2008 4:36 am

Your brother is not a baby anymore (even if he cries he is), and it sounds like a lot of people are there for him (even though he seems to deny it). But all this is so typical, and you know it. How is he now after going to rehab? He's your brother and it hurts to see him going through the craziness of addiction, but he's the only one in control of his life, and there's nothing you can do except praying that he will get his act together before it's too late.

Re: when is enough enough??

Unread postby MandyCane » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:49 pm

Hi Lablue,
Why don't you offer to go to a meeting with him. You want him to be clean and you say he is looking for a half way house so why not go to a meeting with him and support him there. Hopefully you can have your brother back if he sticks with it. That way you can see if he is for real and maybe you will want to try and rebuild the relationship you lost. Family is family no matter what and if he really is trying to get clean this is when he really needs you. Good luck in whatever youdo.
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Re: when is enough enough??

Unread postby guest » Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:45 pm

no matter what, dont give up... you will never forgive yourself if you do. as long as you always try. no matter what it is, going to a meeting with him or just talking to him on the phone, I know you feel like there is nothing you can do alot of the time, buuuuut one day he will wake up and face reality. hopefully, if something bad does happen, you know that you were there and did your best. there is nothing worse in life then trying to help an addict, but we cant give up. been there. i dont , yes i do know where i would be if my family gave up on me. go to meetings yourself, get help also. this is a family problem. we all need all the help we can get.I put my family through pure hell, sometimes i still think stupid things. then i talk to god, trust me, find a higher power and let him her or whatever it may be take your problems..... pray, pray.pray... good luck and dont give up.... KEEP IT SIMPLE, LET GO AND LET GOD.


Re: when is enough enough??

Unread postby Ryan's Sister » Wed Nov 19, 2008 11:47 pm

I can sense the anger in your post, I have that anger somedays, too. Or maybe it's frustration, or hurt, or all of them...

I thought enough was enough, I thought I was done with my brother Ryan. I told my friend I was going to write him a good-bye letter, tell him I can't watch him hurt himself or my family 1 more second, then let him go. I may still do that...
However, my friend asked me a silly question. "How much is Ryan's life worth to you?" It stopped me in my tracks, every penny of course, easy answer. But not just $$, how much is Ryan's life worth to me? Every inch of fight I have in me. Then he said, before you throw Ryan away, have you done everything you possibly can do? I've yelled at him, I've lectured him, I've threatened him, ignored him... but I couldn't say I had truely done anything constructive - other than offer rehab? No.
I give up on Ryan now, without giving everything I have, and something happens, I could not live another day. That's all I know right now.

I may need to stop this one day, I may need to really let Ryan go, but not until I try my hardest. And that still may not work, but at least I really tried everything I thought Ryan's life was worth.
I know an addict needs to want to get better, I can't give him that, but I can show up every Saturday for an NA meeting, NA bowling night... It's a start... I don't know what's next, I don't know if it will help, but it's a start.
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