Need help for my big brother

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Need help for my big brother

Unread postby Cloudy » Fri Oct 24, 2008 8:19 pm

I just hung up on my sister and told her no, i am not going to call my brother yet again and talk him through another series of episodes. I am at my wit's end and three years of love, sensitivity, understanding, and driving six hours in the middle of the night to where he lives to help him during "crisis time" is turning into anger and frustration.

He is alone and far away from home and I just feel like if I can get him to move back to NJ, then he will have real support network to help him through.

I don't want to enable him any more. I want to help him in a way that will make a difference. I don't want to send him any more money, buy him any more cell phones he keeps losing, or may any more last minute car payments to keep his car from being repossesed.

I am also afraid he will hurt himself. He has been cutting recently and that really scares me too. I am afraid to cut him off and that he will hurt himself.

Here's my questions: He lives in the state of ny. He tells me he is on probation for dwi and can't leave the state. Is that true? Can you get probation for a first time offense and can they prevent him frm leaving the state? he refuses to let me talk to his probation officer. I feel like if I could, he would have to understand that at home with his family to support him is a better scenario than away on his own.

I finally got his lawyer's name and number, but I doubt i will learn anything there but I am going to try. I don't even know the specifics about his conviction. Living six hours away makes it very difficult.

I could really use any thoughts on the legal side of his issues and the finding a balance between tough love and enabling behavior.

Checking out alanon meetings tomorrow too.

Thanks for any help I can give my big brother!!!

Re: Need help for my big brother

Unread postby Guest » Sun Oct 26, 2008 6:17 am

It's true, but he can arrange for a travel permit. However moving to another state while under probation is not a good idea. Your best bet would be to talk directly with his probation officer, but since he won't let you do it, talk to a lawyer or call your township.

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