by Reiki » Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:51 pm
My boyfriend of four years is an addict, I can't even call him an addict to one type of drug because he'll take whatever he can get whenever he can get it. About 6 months ago I kicked him out and he decided to go to rehab- thankfully he stayed the entire program and started off doing really well. After a few weeks it was a shot at the bar, few more weeks one beer at camping, after that pills, coke, more pills, crack, and from what I'm told now snorting heroin. He's admitted to some but probably less than half his drug use. I have been finding "stuff" all around the house, and we have three kids. I've turned into a salker trying to keep an eye on what he's doing. He does well for weeks, and the screws up- but always lies until I confront him with a drug test. He confronted him again and told him if he doesn't get help he's out. He always cries and tells me how hard he's trying and how bad he wants to stop, but in 6 months there have been at least 10 incidents. He always says "progress not perfection" I knew getting over his addiction would not be easy, but I can't do it anymore. He always says exactly what I want to hear so I keep taking him back. Our kids have been through so much. He promised me he'd go for to IOP but when I checked the phone records he never called them. I threw him out again this week, and I'm stuggling on how to change my behavior so I don't take him back. I love him so much, but he's not himself and he's hurt us all so much. I feel like I'm just enabling him bc I take care of everything, give him a place to stay and got him a cell phone for X-mas within three days he was calling dealers, I took the cell phone back. This last time he told me he threw the crackpipe out driving down the street and then I found one in the dresser drawer. I've never done a drug in my life, and have no clue how this happened to us. I don't think he was using for the first two years, but now he's into such hardcore sh*t I wonder if I was just blind then. I don't usually cosider myself a weak person, but he's such a good manipulator he always seems to get back into our lives. I got a PFA to get him out of the house- and while he's abiding by it, I 'm dying inside. I don't want to throw him out of my life, but I feel like I have to for my kids, me, and his own good. How do you stay strong when all your hope has been taken away???