62 and troubled...

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62 and troubled...

Unread postby rj606 » Sun Sep 11, 2011 5:24 pm

I was in therapy for years. I was always borderline with the drinking but life's changes and being older have overwhelmed me now. I am always alone on the weekends and try not to drink all day but I can't stop. I just drink enough to numb. I am ok during the work week....wine before dinner. I honestly can't imagine being in a formal program but I am hurting and more than sad about my life. I book marked all the meetings in the city but only look on the weekends when I am drinking. I guess I am just terrified about being alone and older. I want to change but a part of me doesn't care. I am sure I am not alone with these feelings. I want to talk with someone going through these same things.
Going to push the submit button now...
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Re: 62 and troubled...

Unread postby robertoZ » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:30 am

Working today? Go to a meeting as soon as you're finished. Don't even go home first. It's that easy.
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Re: 62 and troubled...

Unread postby phillyartist » Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:15 am

I want you to know that you are not alone. I can truly identify with how you are feeling. All I know is that when I go to meetings, the getting there may be hard but once I am there, I feel better. I struggle as do you and have the same fears. My depression has been worsened as a result of a breakup over 5 months ago and it feels like its never going to get better. Drinking enough just to numb has been my M.O. as well even though its rare that I drink anymore and usually the next day my depression comes back with a vengeance. Just try and get to a meeting and don't worry about working the program just yet. Putting too much on your shoulders when there is already a heavy load is unwise. Take it from someone who is just starting to take their own advice.

You are loved. Try and love yourself.

be well,

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Re: 62 and troubled...

Unread postby abclimo » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:47 am

rj: So many of us use the drug of our choice to cover our feelings, whether they are fear, depression, anxiety, anger, etc., but you still have to deal with those feelings eventually. For me, I found that my using was to cover anxiety that I was having, not for the "high" feeling. I know you may be thinking we are different because my problem was drugs and yours is alcohol, but we are still people with an addiction and we are the same in that aspect. For me, I found that journaling helped a lot with those feelings. I could write down what I was feeling and then reread it after I wrote it and realized that it wasn't as bad on paper as it felt inside my head. I never used when I was younger, but when I was in my late 40's, I started using and couldn't stop, until I got help and figured out what was really causing me to use. Definitely find a meeting, find meetings, try more than one, because they are not all the same. I have found at the meetings that I go to, they are very warm and caring people, who truly care how you are doing and they make you feel very welcome at those meetings. If you are not comfortable sharing, then just go and hear what they are saying. When you are ready, your hand will go up and you will feel able to share how you are feeling, and by sharing that burden with others, you will start to heal and recover. There is a huge difference between being clean and sober and being recovering. You have admitted that you have a problem, now make a plan to stay sober, you can do this, you are worth it.
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