not even sure how i even got here

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not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby secretjunkie » Thu Dec 22, 2011 7:22 am

well i got myself to just look up some kind of aa or na info.. here i am... never thought it be me to actually consider i might have a problem..its hard to even think i could.. but i do.. im not new to this ive been in aa and na programs almost half my child years and about 5 years of my adult.. im 35 now.. cant say because i wanted or thought i needed help.. i was just ordered by the courts to go or i had to attend some sort of drug program to stay out of jail or to make parole.. i played the game.. but this time its different there's no court order or scam to get out of jail.. i just think i need some kind of help.. i havent made any meetings yet but ive been thinking about it.. im tired of using some form of drug or drink to get bye.. ive always dipped and dabbed but for the last 3 years ive been using steady pain meds percoset..smh i function normally take care of my kids and wife.. i dont sell my kids toys or my tv to get a drug and i dont use my bill money to buy the drugs... at least not yet!! not saying im better then anyone else because i haven't done that..i just been fortunate enough not to get that bad yet.. and GOD THERES TIMES I feel like if i don't address this i could be there some day and im tired of using them and some how no-matter how many times i say tomorrow im finished for at least awhile i always seem to have a perk in my mouth before the days out.. i have them prescribed to me so its easy to take them and give myself a reason why i can take them DRS ORDERS...at least im taking the first step.. im not totally lost yet at least i hope not.. but i think ive hit my rock bottom which is ME not happy with ME. i cant stand to even look in the mirror im so ashamed of myself my life.. i dont mean self esteem wise (looks) i just mean MORALS LIFE GOD.. well i guess ill stop there.. im happy im here ; im happy i could be honest with at least the computer to be able to admit somethings wrong and it feels good to say it without whispering :oops: it to myself and praying and saying it to GOD.. thanks for letting me vent who ever is listening....
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby Guest » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:57 am

I'm listening. Venting is great. Are you at the point where you want to do more than venting? No matter what it's a step in the right direction. Hope you can take another step and understand why you need that crutch to live your life.
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby tomorrowto » Tue Dec 27, 2011 7:24 pm

[link="http://www.3721.org/"]linklinklinklinklink[/link]
[link=http://www.3721.org/]linklinklinklinklinklink[/link]
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby abclimo » Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:29 pm

Secret Junkie: Welcome! I can really relate to your post. I too had my drug of choice prescribed to me and in quantities that would shock you. One day, you just decide you don't want to live your life that way and you want to stop taking it and can't. I went to rehab to get off the "prescribed" medications. I can now say I am drug free and happy about it. When I look back with my thinking clearer now than it had been in a long time, I can't image how I got through the days sometimes. I thought I was in control and everything was going fine. HA I can't imagine what I must have been thinking or not thinking at the time. I just thank god, higher power, and guardian angels that I didn't die and can now look back amazed at just how out of control I was in my life. You have taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem and are not doing it this time because you are being forced to. Definitely keep posting here, people will respond to your posts, we want to help. Find some meetings to go to, try several, they are definitely not all the same. Network with people at the meetings and get phone numbers that you can call before you pop that next perc. Find someone that you are very comfortable talking to, who can be your sponsor and help you get through this very difficult time. I will tell you the truth, detoxing is ugly. It may be one of the most difficult things you do. When you look back, you will realize how worth it your family is. You have two children to take care of and who care about you. Use them as your inspiration everyday to not take another drug. You can do this!
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby DDlifeisgood » Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:09 am

You can do this. You are worth and it really DOES get easier. Do it now before it gets worse, and trust me - it WILL get worse. Go to meetings until you hear what feels right and honest in your gut. You will find someone that you connect with. The other person's post was right in that all meetings are not the same .. So if the first one doesn't click with you, try some others. Getting yourself sober is about you being true to yourself...and being good to yourself. Your family life ..among other things... Depends on it. Good luck and keep looking up.
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby deb » Sat Jan 21, 2012 2:38 am

I'm listening too! I just looked for a meeting time in my area and pray I have the strength to attend my first meeting tonight. It's a hard reality to face, but I am hopeful that it might be the first step in rebuilding my life. I will pray for both of us.
deb
 

Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby abclimo » Sun Feb 26, 2012 4:49 pm

deb: Hi and welcome! Hopefully you went to your first meeting last night and hopefully you will come back and post that you did and that you are still clean/sober. We all pray for each other here and we're here to try to help each other.
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Re: not even sure how i even got here

Unread postby guest » Thu May 31, 2012 10:33 am

hi, thank you for sharing. i, too, am in a similar spot...wondering how i got here and knowing that getting sober this time is about me and not anyone else. it is still so difficult and i think back on the times when it wasn't this bad. but addiction is a progressive disease, thereby only getting worse with time. i hope you are able to work through it. i hope i can, too.


Last bumped by Anonymous on Thu May 31, 2012 10:33 am.
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