terrified

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terrified

Unread postby koh » Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:09 pm

I am thinking about attending my first meeting tonight but am terrified, I know that I can't go on like this anymore.
I embarrase my family and am so ashamed of myself. I just don't know what to do when I go into the meeting.
Is it appropriate to have someone go with me although I don't know who. My husband has had it with me and isn't
interested in doing anything with me, he just wants me to do something.
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Re: terrified

Unread postby inneed » Wed Jan 04, 2012 10:22 am

Hi, this is the first time I have replied in this forum. I can tell you that I went to my first meeting last night and I was terrified. I mean at what point in your life did you ever want to say, I need to go to a meeting. But it was very easy once I walked I'm the door. I met a lot of people just like me. I am sure they were terrified too the first time but then they spoke of waking up and not needing the drugs or the drink everyday and how much peace that brought them. I can tell you that that is what I needed to hear, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it might be hard getting there but it is there. I know I took one step in the right direction last night, I hope u can too.
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Re: terrified

Unread postby abclimo » Wed Jan 04, 2012 10:55 am

Koh: Hi and welcome! If you have a family member or friend who will go with you, you can do that, as long as it's an open meeting. I remember going to my first meeting and not knowing what to expect. Everyone made me feel so welcome and it was an extremely caring environment. All meetings are NOT the same. If you go to a meeting and they don't make you feel welcome, don't let it cloud your judgment and definitely try other locations for meetings. In the beginning not everyone is comfortable sharing and if that's the case, just listen to what's being said. Definitely get a phone list and don't be afraid to call people on it, but call before you get high/drunk again. Find someone at a meeting who you are comfortable talking honestly and openly to and ask that person to be your sponsor. You have taken a big first step in admitting that you can't go on like this anymore, now you just need to follow through with that. It's not always easy, sometimes people have significant clean time and temptation steps in and bam, there they are back at day one and starting over. Keep posting here because people here do know what you are going through and we do care. Stay focused and you can do this.
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Re: terrified

Unread postby wesgraham » Thu Jan 05, 2012 4:34 pm

Hello there, and this is the first time i have ever been on this site or ever posted like this...What ill say is just go to the meeting...PLEASE do yourself a favor and dont be affraid. If you are anything like me i have caused enough problems so being terrified is not up my way unless i am looking for excuses...Just go and maybe just maybe, you can someday say wow, this is nice like me, and it is this way because on a daily basis i work some simple steps, am honest and thorough, and have a sponser. Hope to see you out there. In the rooms that is
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Re: terrified too

Unread postby deb » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:14 am

I went on-line this morning to look for a local AA meeting because I too am thinking about going to my first meeting tonight. I'm scared to death.....not sure what to expect.....not sure what my friends and family will think, etc. I pray that I find the strength today to follow through and attend the meeting tonight. I know this is what I need to do, and have known it for quite some time, but could never find the courage to admit that I really needed help. I know I can't do this on my own.
deb
 

Re: terrified

Unread postby Little Nina » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:21 am

Hello! I was in exactly the same situation, and I posted this in a separate thread but I wanted to share it here as well. I was very scared to attend a meeting so I tried an online meeting. It was incredibly helpful and I think going to a 'real' in-person meeting will be easier because of it. I am planning to go to my first AA meeting tonight and am no longer terrified because I went to this online meeting! Anyway, I've copied/pasted the the post below:

>> I am posting a reply to my own thread in case anyone else is/was in the same situation as me.

Well, as expected I was too anxious/ scared to go to my local AA meeting. Instead, after some research I ended up at SMART Recovery and I attended an online voice chat meeting. It was amazing!!

I am very new to recovery - today is just my 2nd day sober in many years, and although I've 'tried' quitting many times, I haven't looked into the 12 step or group therapy type stuff before because of my social anxiety and unease around people. Well, in the online meeting room there was no such worry! I could just listen/learn if I wanted to but I was WAY more comfortable contributing to the discussion and even surprised myself. Everyone was super nice and encouraging and supportive (as I'm sure describes many AA meetings as well - I want to make it clear that I am not here trying to endorse one method over another). If anyone is nervous or has social anxiety like me, this may be a great alternative and/or compliment to this website and the AA 12 step program.

Additionally, at just my first meeting I learned a very valuable tool for coping with urges that really worked! First time!! I'm going to share, although the information is readily available online.

It's called "Playing the tape/ script all the way to the end". What this means is that when you have an urge to drink/ use, visualize the series of events that will transpire if you do. Really try to re-live and feel the experience. For me, it goes like this: If I go get a bottle of wine, I will drink the whole damn thing, and probably end up getting more. I will make a fool of myself if I am talking to anyone, or if I am just home alone I will get depressed. Next morning I will feel like sh*t and heave into the toilet for a while (fun!) and I will be in the midst of a panic attack (not to mention the self-hate I will feel). Now, playing out the scenario and really visualizing it.... I swear the urge goes AWAY for real!

The SMART program appeals to me because it provides tools for coping with urges, frustration, etc and is focused on self-empowerment (is admitting you're powerless really helpful?) and behavioral techniques. Again, I've not tried AA and I am very thankful it exists and that so many people have benefited. However, I think the SMART program can be used together with AA for those of us who are ready to throw everything we can at this affliction. Please check it out if you're interested.

Thanks for viewing! Best of luck.
Little Nina
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Re: terrified

Unread postby abclimo » Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:32 pm

Deb: Hi and welcome! I hope you were able to find a meeting to go to. If you went to that meeting and didn't feel welcomed when you walked in, don't go back, but find some others in your area to go to. In case you didn't go, I'll give you a quick overview of what it's like. You'll meet a bunch of really nice people in the meetings, definitely take a phone list and call someone before you drink. People will be putting their hands up and sharing where they've been with their addiction and where they are at in their recovery. There is a huge difference between just being sober and being in recovery. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, just listen. Even though all our pathways may be different, our journeys are the same. We're people with addiction and the desire to be clean/sober. You've taken a huge first step by admitting that you have an issue, some people die before they can even admit that. Keep going to meetings and when you find a person that you feel you can talk to honestly and openly, ask them to be your sponsor. They'll help you get through the rough spots. Don't be worried about what your friends and family will think. I'm sure that given the choice of you going to meetings or possibly dying from your addiction, they'll choose the meetings. With the disease of addiction, we cannot do this on our own, but by helping each other, we can do this. You need to keep telling yourself that you can do this. If telling yourself that you'll never drink again feels too overwhelming, tell yourself you won't drink for the next 24 hours or for the next hour, or the next 15 minutes, break it down so you're not overwhelmed by it. I found that journaling helped me so much. When I would feel the need to use/drink, I would journal what else I was feeling. After a while, I went back and read what I was writing about, and found that so much of the time, it was because I felt so stressed and hated the way I was feeling. By dealing with that, it was a huge help with my addiction because when I would feel like that, I would figure out something else to do to distract myself. Definitely find things to do to keep yourself busy. You are worth doing this and you need to keep telling yourself about how much better your life will be when you don't have all the issues that using/drinking brings about. Keep posting here, we do care!
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