I don't even know if i should be here. lost. confused.scared

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I don't even know if i should be here. lost. confused.scared

Unread postby lostgirl » Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:14 am

I don't really know where to begin. I'm a 21 year old girl in college with a part time job. I seem to have made some wrong friends when i came to this school, and they have introduced me to new things, some of them harmful. I never did drugs or even really drank before college. It was just never interesting to me. Then I would drink every weekend, and started smoking weed regularly. I'm here now because I have been using opiates regularly. Painkillers especially. It started out as a treat, every few months. Then i would get pills once a month, then a couple times a month, once a week, every other day, and i have been doing them every day for the past three weeks. I don't really consider myself an addict, but i'm not sure if this is just the pleasure from the drugs talking. I see myself developing habits i am not fond of, but they seem impossible to break. this has been my lifestyle for four years, and i have lost my identity to this life of drugs. i consider myself in the middle of a "heavy binge". part of me is saying i need to stop, and this scares me because i know i can't stop on my own. i feel embarrassed and i am not even sure if i need help. my grades have dropped but i am able to keep up with my schoolwork and pass, but i am not working up to my own potential. i feel like i am physically able to stop without withdrawals (not that ive tried) , but i am surrounded by all of these drugs and it is just very hard to say no. should i attend meetings, am i in denial, or is this just a phase? i feel lost and alone. nobody knows i am pursuing this, because every time i hint that i am uncomfortable with mine and my friends drug habits, they say that this is normal. please help. what should i do? i'm so confused.
lostgirl
 

Re: I don't even know if i should be here. lost. confused.sc

Unread postby abclimo » Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:06 pm

Lostgirl: Hi and welcome! You have found your way here and that's a step in the right direction. You have answered your own question of whether you belong here or not, by being here. We are a people with the disease of addiction and while it may not be alcohol or drugs, we can also be addicted to other things. We so often self-medicate ourselves or do it to make ourselves feel better. When we come down/sober up, we feel even worse, so we keep repeating the cycle. Opiate withdrawal can be very dangerous depending on how much you are using. While we are high/drunk we feel we are totally in control of our life and what goes on in it. It's amazing when we are sober/clean and are able to look back with a clear head exactly how out of control we were and how many risks we were taking with not only our own life but the lives of others. I would suggest finding a few meetings at different locations and attending them. Not all meetings are the same. They will ask you to introduce yourself and you just need to give your first name. If you don't wish to share anything else, you just need to say pass. Definitely go and listen to what is being said. Although our pathway may be different, our journeys are very similar. They will also give you a phone list of people you can contact before you use/drink again. You know you are not working to your own potential and you want more than that from your life. Good for you, many people never get to realize they are not working up to their own potentials. You are not alone in your struggle, we are all here to help you along your journey. We can't do this without each other. Keep posting, we'll be glad to post back to you.
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Re: I don't even know if i should be here. lost. confused.sc

Unread postby Eagle85 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:24 pm

Most of the time young people who are using say " it's not a problem", "I can quit anytime", "everybody is doing it", I know because I've been there and now I'm on the other side. You are asking the right questions and I commend you for that; information is power.

It's not how much you've used or for how long that is "a problem". The questions are what is it doing to you, your relationships, job, work, are you happy, are you living up to your own idea of what you want from life. It sounds like you have answers to your questions and as I found out when I tried this sobriety thing, it's really great. It takes time and work but I came here to learn how to drink without drugs. I wound up staying because I like my life and myself much better clean and sober. If you cannot detox safely call some professionals who are licensed and ethical. There are a lot of people in the business of treatment for the wrong reasons. Good luck


Last bumped by Anonymous on Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:24 pm.
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