by lostgirl » Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:14 am
I don't really know where to begin. I'm a 21 year old girl in college with a part time job. I seem to have made some wrong friends when i came to this school, and they have introduced me to new things, some of them harmful. I never did drugs or even really drank before college. It was just never interesting to me. Then I would drink every weekend, and started smoking weed regularly. I'm here now because I have been using opiates regularly. Painkillers especially. It started out as a treat, every few months. Then i would get pills once a month, then a couple times a month, once a week, every other day, and i have been doing them every day for the past three weeks. I don't really consider myself an addict, but i'm not sure if this is just the pleasure from the drugs talking. I see myself developing habits i am not fond of, but they seem impossible to break. this has been my lifestyle for four years, and i have lost my identity to this life of drugs. i consider myself in the middle of a "heavy binge". part of me is saying i need to stop, and this scares me because i know i can't stop on my own. i feel embarrassed and i am not even sure if i need help. my grades have dropped but i am able to keep up with my schoolwork and pass, but i am not working up to my own potential. i feel like i am physically able to stop without withdrawals (not that ive tried) , but i am surrounded by all of these drugs and it is just very hard to say no. should i attend meetings, am i in denial, or is this just a phase? i feel lost and alone. nobody knows i am pursuing this, because every time i hint that i am uncomfortable with mine and my friends drug habits, they say that this is normal. please help. what should i do? i'm so confused.