by Dadman » Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:45 am
After going a full week without a drink, I started to drink heavily again on Monday, then got really drunk yesterday afternoon and crashed and went to bed before my wife even started to make supper.
Because of all the booze, and going to bed so early, I woke up a lot all night, and was very restless, and at one point, decided that regardless of what I have decided in the past, I need to put my aversion to the spiritual component aside and start to go to AA meetings.
Because I'm a died-in-the-wool atheist, I've never been able to get past the higher power thing. Yes, I know, the "higher power" can be anything you need/want it to be. But I still had an aversion to this and chose instead a couple of months ago to see a psychologist. I think therapy has been helping, but evidently not enough to keep me from slipping like I did this week. But after what I did yesterday, after drinking so much that I can barely even remember the last hour or so before I went to bed at 7, after lying to my wife (again), after waking up feeling like I need to jump out of my skin, feeling anxiety, depression, and out of control, worrying about the damage I am doing to my body, I need to get past my nitpicking and just deal with it.