the 20 something alcoholic in chesco
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the 20 something alcoholic in chesco
by Pretty_Troubled96 » Mon Jul 20, 2020 3:49 am
I have contemplated this since I was about 17. I knew I could never drink normally . Genetically disposed to alcoholism playing in my favor :
Today, after blacking out per usual on a Tuesday night when I’m off Wednesday, I woke up in tears . Nothing happened- this time . Pooled in my own urine . Pissy drunk was rare but imminent when your teetering on the verge of alcohol poisoning.
I missed about 10 phone calls from my deployed fiancé last night . All I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call him back this morning but I cannot . The reality is I could NEVER Speak to him again... those phone calls are priceless . God forbid.
I cried and I cried . Head pounding . Heart racing . Stomach nauseous . I look at the suspect bowl of ramen noodles with a piece of Hershey bar in it . This is toned down compared to some other drunk creations I’ve woken up to usually uneaten .
I have been living with my mother and brother whom are in denial about their issues . We feed each others vices. No one is to blame for MY actions, but My drinking has been increasing rapidly, familial ties being the catalyst. I cannot pawn it off as something that will subside when my fiancé comes home and we get married and try for children but that is only going to put things in pause . I don’t want relapse . I want freedom from the grip of substance use second to alcohol abuse .
Today I hope for relief . Today I search for happiness . Today I want control back .
Today is my day . One step at a time
Today, after blacking out per usual on a Tuesday night when I’m off Wednesday, I woke up in tears . Nothing happened- this time . Pooled in my own urine . Pissy drunk was rare but imminent when your teetering on the verge of alcohol poisoning.
I missed about 10 phone calls from my deployed fiancé last night . All I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call him back this morning but I cannot . The reality is I could NEVER Speak to him again... those phone calls are priceless . God forbid.
I cried and I cried . Head pounding . Heart racing . Stomach nauseous . I look at the suspect bowl of ramen noodles with a piece of Hershey bar in it . This is toned down compared to some other drunk creations I’ve woken up to usually uneaten .
I have been living with my mother and brother whom are in denial about their issues . We feed each others vices. No one is to blame for MY actions, but My drinking has been increasing rapidly, familial ties being the catalyst. I cannot pawn it off as something that will subside when my fiancé comes home and we get married and try for children but that is only going to put things in pause . I don’t want relapse . I want freedom from the grip of substance use second to alcohol abuse .
Today I hope for relief . Today I search for happiness . Today I want control back .
Today is my day . One step at a time
Last bumped by Anonymous on Mon Jul 20, 2020 3:49 am.
- Pretty_Troubled96
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