Ready to stop but where to start

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Ready to stop but where to start

Unread postby seinfeld7 » Tue Feb 03, 2009 9:21 pm

Hi I come from a long line of addiction and mental illness and am the baby in a large family (by baby just mean youngest) and after crazy dysfunctional youth, scary 20's, to a blessed recovery on many lines when I turned 30 along with my best friend/ soon to be husband; but this fairytale that even the wedding was won and on Tv well turned into the most excruciating pain imaginable; he left me for another woman the first year!!!! So since this day I have been struggling to be strong change my life be the better person; along these steps yes I made some positive, courageous leeps yet eachone I drank too much! Now I am at the pint where I have blown a year of my life money, jobs, friends...I am 37 (about to turn 38) and how months ago I had given up and was ready to die so why not drink and give up; I am ready to change my life, live, give back, make a difference....
Where do I start? I wake up strong lately and it's just before I come home I get anxious and justify I just want one bottle of wine.......
Ugh sorry I am grateful everyday and so sorry for being weak
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Re: Ready to stop but where to start

Unread postby present » Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:52 pm

Hi There -

I completely relate, and hope I can provide some of the support you need (deserve!).

I am happy to share more details, but suffice it too say I just (one week ago) got myself into AA. I am just a few years older that you are, have wasted a lot of time drinking too much, being hungover, and everything else you can imagine. The hardest time of the day for me is just after work. I come home and my routine of drinking wine is gone... leaving me with nothing but the anxiety I used to eliminate with drinking.

I was recently broken up with (for the second time) by a guy who left me for someone else. He begged me for a second chance, but wouldn't get into therapy for his abusive/drug/alcohol dependence. It is excruciating, and makes ME want to drink more. Feeling abandoned in the midst of everything else makes drinking a constant urge.

I am not in any way pushing AA, so please know that - but for me it has helped. Somehow it helps to feel companionship with people having the same struggle. It's easy for me to say I don't need to go there, but it actually has been the only thing getting me through this time.

I hope this helps, and if I can help in any other way, let me know.

By the way, you are NOT weak. You are strong for looking for support on this. If it were easy there wouldn't be "sobrety online!!!).
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Re: Ready to stop but where to start

Unread postby forevergrowing » Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:57 am

One of the greatest things I have learned in AA is that alcohol and other substances were not our problem but our solution. All of the "problems" in our life are what lead us to alcohol... so alcohol became our solution, our escape. When we take away the alcohol we are left with the same issues as before with no solution. That is why we become so depressed and anxious after a certain amount of dry time.... That's where we turn to AA and the 12 steps.... the fellowship is amazing!! And with the help of a sponsor I was able to walk through the 12 Steps, learn how to help others and to accept a design for living that brings me true peace and serenity without the need to turn to the bottle! Which is a miracle in itself because that's all I have known for many years. I just turned 44 and I have been through some sad relationships, yes and I have also been left and cheated on for another woman... I truly know how you are feeling and the hell you exist through each day. AA has brought me a life where I no longer need to exist but actually have the opportunity to LIVE, to LOVE and to give back what was so unselfishly, lovingly given to me. Try it... it changes many, many lives... from irritable, discontent, and miserable to happy, joyous and free!! Give it a chance... There's a differance between living sober(dry without a solution) to living a program of recovery ( with The solution)... The Big Book is our text to living this new found life!!! THERE IS HOPE... :)

Re: Ready to stop but where to start

Unread postby charla048 » Wed Mar 18, 2009 1:28 am

well hi there how are you feeling today, well hopefully strong and full of energy cause im not(lol) now to get down to business of where to start start by taking your life one day at a time and one step at a time this is the way we also have to live our life one step at a time be thankful that you are still alive to see the world yet another day, then work yourself into your regular routine for the day then by the evening time be thankful once again for the comforting day and whatever it was that you had done that day then when you are being thankful for that then put a few words in like please take this urge from me dont let me think about another bottle today help me through this day without thinking about getting a bottle or even wanting a bottle it will not happen right away but he will move mountains to help you if you are serious about this then he will help you and i think you know who i mean (our higher power)mine is the greatest ever he has helped me to get through a whole lot plus 15 1/2 months of sobriety i have graduated 5 times and that is all in one year from different classes on drugs and alcohol to anger management and now i am getting my bachelors degree in business administration and majoring in human resources. so no ready to stop if you would like to talk im here for you when ever just remember one day at a time one step at a time
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