Relapse waiting to happen
Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:53 pm
I just got out of rehab about 2 months ago after a 2 year tear with opiates. Life got so tough, so hard and so painfull my wife and i checked into 2 seperate rehabs. We communicated in rehab with alot of writing back and forth. I wanted to leave in the beginning but it did gradually get eisier and better as time when on. I learned alot and realized for the first time in my life "I am an addict." I learned how to stop using and how to not use. I was scared the day i got out. I had been in a drug free bubble for a month and hoped i could make it on my own. The day i got out i did what they said. I went to a meeting raised my hand and said my name is Jason and I am an addict, i am here to follow direction and look for suggestions. Up to this point things were going well. A few days later i came to the realization of how much i messed up, my marriage was on on edge I hurt my family , and was in tons of debt. From this point forward, my wife blamed me for her addiction. She thought if it was not for me she would not have started. I was to blame about the debt and my relationship got harder and harder. She said she wanted to see if our relationship was mendable and give it 6 months. Not talk much and see each other much. She also did not wear her wedding ring because she said that she didnt feel very close to me and we did alot of damage. We both say we love each other and we both want it to work out. Atleast i know i do. Then a month later i found out she went to the movies with a guy from rehab. This tore me up and im still thinking about it. Her parents know and she said they are just friends. A movie in my opinion is a date. And i cant have my wife going on dates. It is very hard for me to trust her at this point. She cheated on me 3 years ago before marriage and i started a rampage with drugs at that point. Now im clean it feels like it happend yesterday. I feel this is back to back. SHe said she realized it was wrong going out with him and wont do it again but can be friends which i agree with if it stays at that level. I am clueless what to do. Part of me wants to be done with it because i dont want paint again, another parts wants to hang on make things better and move on in life. I want a quick fix and that is my issue. Thats what i want in life and why i started drugs. Should i distance myself for a period of time, i am living with my parents know and her with hers. I will never know what is going on. Every time i talk to her i bring it up and it is making her upset. I feel im posting on a marriage board but this could jepordize my recovery if not done right. I dont want to use, i know where i came from and i dont want to go back. If anyone has experience with this let me know or feel free to comment....