by dano » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:16 pm
I have just been arrested and charged with felony drug charges. I am really struggling with who i am. I have been in the drug game for 12 years, since the age of 13. I was a major distributor of cocaine in colorado for 2 years before i became addicted to heroin. I came back to the east coast to enter detox because i was horribly sick, and missed my family. I managed to stay clean for a couple months before picking up drinking, cocaine, and smoking weed again. In my mind, as long as i didn't go back to heroin, or major dealings, i was ok, and in fact, proud of myself. For the first time in my life i am willing to admit that i am a drug addict/alcoholic. The problem is that i am a very well-functioning one. I do my job well and have received promotions while living in active addiction. All of my closest friends are functioning drug users and alcoholics and I feel very alone, with no real friends. All i want is peace of mind and i have nothing of the sort. I battle between hatred and gratitude for the cop who busted me. Does anyone else have a similar experience?