Looking for a meetings/Alanon/Codependency/WomeninTransition

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Looking for a meetings/Alanon/Codependency/WomeninTransition

Unread postby Guest » Wed Dec 27, 2006 6:40 pm

[color=red][/color] :evil: I'm choosing red 'cause I'm seeing red! I have such anger issues! I'm up to my 5th separation from my husband and this is it! I never knew he lied about everything! He's a closet drinker and has been since I met him. We've been together 24 years, he's done rehabs in the past and then he changes his mind about being an alcoholic, hes too good for that. He admits to having a problem and then withdraws that admission. I feel like I'm losing my mind. This has been the "craziest" time of my life, the "saddest" time of my life and at the same time the angriest time of my life. I'm pretty much "good for nothing" these days. I know I'm sick from him and I need to learn how to live somehow all over again. It's like I'm dealing with 2 separate entities. The alcoholic, who is downright cold, and evil, and manipulative and LIES!!!!!! The other one used to have regrets, he would beg to come home and promise me and the girls the sun, the moon and the stars in the sky! He's been in this mid life crisis for over 4 yrs. now since our daughter went to college. She's graduated now and our youngest just started. We've been having big time problems the entire time. He's been so depressed and has lost interest in absolutely everything and everyone with the exception of his work. His work has always taken priority over everything. He even lived in Puerto Rico for almost 2 yrs. when the kids were growing up. He had to come home for a surgery and they found cancer while they were in there. He was also diagnosed with Hepatitis C at the same time. So between the cancer treatments and the Protocol with the Interferon twice, I took care of him over that period of 6 yrs. or so. Just when he went off of it, and by the way, he chose to take the injections after work on Fridays every single weekend so he'd be sick as a dog all weekend and be able to go to work on Monday for 2 years. Off of all medicine, I thought, with maybe the exception of Ativan and Xanex which I think he was taking all along and has kept on hand ever since. He was getting it from 2 different Dr.s saying he was quitting drinking. So now he's still closet drinking with Hep C, done masses doses of chemo drugs for both cancer and hep c, taking pills on the side, and lying about them and he's depressed, going thru midlife crisis, and I swear he's in Menopause for Men and now I find out he's seeing a girl from work which he denies, but he denies everything. He's always been a very private person. He's been leading a double life and I've caught him and he acts like nothings wrong, he blames our marriage as not ever getting any better. He makes promises and he comes home and within the comfort of home he gets up at 3:30 in the morning to go to work, doesn't come home till @ 8:00PM, sometimes goes out after work, and I see him less than 1 hr. a day and he hides from me since I'm the only living soul who knows what he's doing so he's made me out to be his enemy. He's back in denial saying I'm the one with the problems, he's fine, everything was just a figment of my imagination and I research too much. He's ready to move on. He's waiting for his apartment to be ready now, staying with friends, only he's not there most nites. Then he says he's giving them time alone and he's at a motel. He's ripped my heart out, my guts, and turned my life upside down. I've never been this hurt by anyone, ever. I've never even been dumped! I don't know why I've hung in there like this, there always had to be a shread of hope but it's pretty clear there's not since he screams he doesn't love me anymore and that he fell out of love with me. He has no feelings for anybody yet he gets mad if I contradict him when it comes to loving the kids. Of course he loves THEM he says. He can solve any problem with money. He never hit rock bottom when it came to losing his family, his priority, the place where he's happiest is at work where he's looked up to and gets his arse kissed by everyone. My physical health is not too great anymore, it's all made me sick! I can't believe this is happening. Never in a million years would I have expected this treatment of him! I don't know where to begin to start over! I can't stop myself from crying all the time, I'm dehydrated from crying so much! What to do now?

Unread postby Guest » Wed Dec 27, 2006 7:37 pm

Deep down, what do you want to do? Do you want to stay with him?

Going to an Alanon meeting (indicated in your subject) is a great idea! Getting help through a support system is always a good thing.

Does anybody on this board have any suggestions?

what to do?

Unread postby guest » Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:46 am

Wow! Your pain seems overwhelming.

I think the question we always ask is "How can this person be doing this to us?" Alanon teaches that we are to take care of ourselves. By remaining in a situation that harms us and makes us feel bad about ourselves, we are not doing what is best for us. Talk to someone who can help you decide what is best for you. Remember, it's your life. All the best.

Unread postby Serenity » Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:58 pm

Unrequited love can be one of the most painful feelings. Add to that addicition and lying and... well that's just too much for one person to handle.

I think the guests that responded earlier hit the nail on the head.

Go to Al-Anon. It's a start. There have been many friendships that have been created through Al-Anon.

You need support, more than what can be provided here. You need to talk with other women who are in a similar situation. You have one life, why spend it being tortured?

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Unread postby Guest » Sun May 13, 2007 3:21 pm

I was wondering how you were doing since December. That's a few months. Have you been to Alanon yet? I'm having a bad day with my alchy and was browsing around trying to feel better. It always gives me hope to connect with others in pain b/c i was there too, most of us were or we wouldn't have ever gone to the first meeting.

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