Do I STAY or Do I GO

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Do I STAY or Do I GO

Unread postby InVein44 » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:45 pm

My story is long so i shall try to make it short. I have been an addict since birth I think. Before the drugs, I was addicted to perfection. I had to have the grades, the popularity, cheer captain and 3 year running Home coming Queen. I could never sit still. Always had nightmares. I had to have my planner filled, every hour with something to occupy my mind. Drugs were never a thought, i didn't even drink. I was first given heroine by a friend and they called it "dope" and I was stupid, not knowing that dope was heroine. I only found a tiny bump took away my sleepless nights, allowed me to be a peace, so i thought. I became addicted and fought for about 7 years. Then came methadone, without intent, I remained on it for 10 years, maybe more, then atop that, Xanex. I was inpatient more times then I know but I never made it. I always ran away, got myself kicked out or gave up. I was never ready. I was asked to do what I thought was IMPOSSIBLE, get to 40 millagrams from 120 to even have a chance for any facility to take me. To my suprise, I did it! I now have an opportunity (by friend of a friend) to go to a detox facility out of state, fully paid for. Then onto a 4 to 9 month "Break you down to Build you up" program. To learn to live without drugs. I am terrafied. The only thing I can say is that I feel different cuz I have 3 things I never had before. #1, A will to live and a goal to be something I always wanted. #2. A man that loves me more then live itself, someone who has taken on 3 jobs to support our place while I get well, I want to be well for him because he worries so much for me, he shares my sorrow, feels my pain although he had never been where i have. #3, I have a fear of being away from home, a fear of leaving the house most days, back then I thought 28 days was a lifetime & would not have it! However now, I don't see time in the same way I did before. Still in fear but a few months doesn't seam like an eternity. I am 34. I am afraid of going, afraid of myself, what if I learn that after all this, I still hate who I am? I can easily stay home, be taken care of and try to complete the detox then try to return to society OR I can go. Face things I fear most, have no contact with my fiance for several months and try to be washed clean & learn new tools to fight my disease.
DO I STAY OR DO I GO?
InVein44
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Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:40 pm
Location: Brick NJ

Re: Do I STAY or Do I GO

Unread postby trying2change » Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:28 pm

Do what your heart tells you to do. I wish you luck.
trying2change
 

Re: Do I STAY or Do I GO

Unread postby tryingtoearnwings » Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:37 pm

Dear Invein44,

Don't give up or give in....Do not be afraid! All fear is false evidence appearing real...you can overcome your fears because you are stronger than you know. Look you are in rehab changing your life now, just believe in yourself! YOU CAN DO IT!
tryingtoearnwings
 

Re: Do I STAY or Do I GO

Unread postby colleenmuldoon » Thu Feb 10, 2011 10:10 am

i just wanna sat to u is that u should go cause if u dont then u will spend the rest of your life wondering would my life b different?take the chance and just do it!! i wish u the best !!
colleenmuldoon
 

Re: Do I STAY or Do I GO

Unread postby InVein44 » Sat Feb 12, 2011 2:04 pm

Ty all so much, I get get scared. I will go. I should be leaving on the 18th!
InVein44
Registered User
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:40 pm
Location: Brick NJ


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