need advice

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need advice

Unread postby kellydun » Sun Apr 03, 2011 11:16 am

Hello everyone, new to the board and just need some advice, my sister has relapsed yet again and I am now just angry rather then sad. Is this normal? Am I abandoning her in her time of need? It just keeps happening over and over. My love and sympathy has been replaced with anger and resentment and I feel terrible, but just feel like I cant take it again. :(
kellydun
 

Re: need advice

Unread postby mia » Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:03 pm

hi..I am a recovering heroin/cocaine addict and know all to well how my addiction has effected my family. your feelings of anger are not only "normal but also expected. I have much shame and guilt for hurting my family the way i did and i completel understood when they became angry n sometimes when talking about certain things still are. You are doing the right thing and your feelings are valid! You also stated that you no longer feel "love or sympathy"..well the sympathy part is understandablei doubt you mean that your love is gone or you wouldn have taken the time to write this in the 1st place. my advice to you would be to do what my family has done..and thats love me from a distance and the only time they were there 4 me was when i wanted 2 get help. Thats what u need to do..DO NOT ENABLE her with $$$ or rides,etc. because that will only make it more difficult when she is READY to REALLY get clean and STAY clean..If u make it easy for her to get high why would she stop? Just love her from a distance..and the only ride u should give her is to rehab. Me n my family now have an awesome relationship and i cannot be more grateful for the way they handled it. Good luck n stay strong!!
mia
 

Re: need advice

Unread postby DJphilly » Thu May 12, 2011 3:38 pm

I completely agree with the last poster, but I'm not an addict. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I have felt the same way. When my husband and I first realized he was an alcoholic I was very caring and supportive. I knew this was a disease and that it was not his fault. Over time and after many relapses I became resentful and angry. I am not saying this is true for you and I am only speaking for myself, but I learned that my "caring" was actually enabling him to continue using. The first time it was suggested I had a part in his relapse I was even angrier! I was the one doing everything I could to hold our lives together and to help him get better. What I finally realized was that "help" was not help at all. He had to experience the consequences of his choices directly and my help robbed him of feeling those consequences, which may ultimately aid in his sobriety. So, your feelings of anger are completely normal. Healthy even, depending on how you act on those feelings. You are not uncaring and I too do not believe you've stopped loving your sister. Perhaps you just are not loving her behavior. So please don't feel guilty or bad about your feelings. I like the idea of "loving from a far". It is important for you and your sister that you detach from her to focus on yourself and your own health/well being. And when she is ready you can be there to support her and her recovery. Its very difficult, I know and I wish you the best! Stay strong!!
DJphilly
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