message to the addict.

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Please consider replying to an existing message. It only takes a minute and you may help someone else in need. A simple word of encouragement goes a long way.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby anteague » Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:45 pm

dave wrote:to all you alcoholics.
i speak for the spouses,children,friends,and family that you all have thrown away and hurt for so very long.
we cant help you anymore.
we cant feel pity for you anymore.
we've seen it all,and we can't see anymore.
do not try and talk to us,we will not listen.
just leave us all.
go away and drink yourselves to death,and we will believe that at your drunkest moment,you realized what you have done.
dying for us,will allow us to try and live again.
as long as you are alive,you are killing us.
please,,,just die already.

This message doesn't scare me or even really worry me for you Dave.

What would worry me is if you claimed not to care.

Apathy is a million times worse than anger and rage at the addict Dave.

I know because I've been there and back again several times.

What I suggest is counseling because if that time ever does come

when your alcoholic loved one is dead because of the alcohol...

you cannot imagine the amount of guilt that comes hand in hand with openly expressing such anger

The mourning process is next to impossible when you blame yourself for such words.

I hope that they helped you get something off your chest and provided you with a moment of catharsis

but seriously, you need to talk to someone about how much anger you have directed toward the person.

Do you really want to be the kind of person who is full of hate and want of the death of another person?

I pray that God grants you serenity Dave...hate and rage is like a cancer that will rot away your life as you know it.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby edizzydee » Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:08 am

Today, I start the first day of my life. I am taking control back of my own life.

I will go to my 1st AA meeting, this evening. I am scared, very scared to even admit I have a problem.

I have lost the respect and love of my boyfriend, who has put up with my b/s for the past 5 years. The relationship was great in the beginning, but my problems have now become his.

I hate myself.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby Marnie » Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:24 am

You are my hero! We all have a story to tell, life experiences that have taken us over the edge or we would not be on this site. Dave I feel your pain, frustration and anger. I have felt it too and have been where you are. Only and only when we take ourselves out of the box and look at the actions of our addicted loved ones as a disease and not allow them to control us and our emotions, do we start to help them and heal ourselves. This is a story many of us have read and lived, a story we can all add a little more and a little more in our own words to creat the book of extreme craziness. A grasp to sanity.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby Magnolia » Sat Dec 20, 2008 11:35 pm

Hi John, thanks for leaving this up.

I translated this original post like this:

Someone was having a hard moment and they vented... possibly even kept them from picking up a drink. Most of all.. in a nutshell, we wish EVERYONE could have a program because alcoholics in recovery (like myself) hate living life of others not understanding this disease ~ especially over the holidays.

God bless everyone on here and welcome, I am a newcomer to this online group.

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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby M » Sun May 02, 2010 8:56 pm

this is exactly how I feel about my mom drinking. and sometimes I say it to her.. I know that I will feel bad when I'm older, but that's how badly it hurts me when she drinks. it's nice to see that someone else feels that way as well..

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby janet » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:33 pm

Death is not the answer. Your pain will remain long after they are dead and buried. I know that from experience. He died 12 years ago but the fallout from his bad decisions hasn't stopped. You have no contol over the addicted person in your life. You only have control over yourself. Take that control and make the choices that are right for you. You can love someone but not enable them. And Yes you do love them. You wouldn't be so angry if you didn't. Love yourself more and release that anger and pain.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby kathleend » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:18 pm

The torture is in the alcoholic.Don't lose the human caring response. Don't turn your back on them. Hard I know. Be there. Love them. Care. Don't judge. May be a day away is all it takes. Pray. Let God do what we can not. love & prayers, I have been there, Kathy
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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby kathleend » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:53 pm

Can anyone get to the core of our problems in life? You, your self may, with help or self counseling. Life is a roller coaster. Like it or not we are all on it. Choose not to identify the problem well- your options are less. My point is embrace yourself, love who you are. You are special as God made us this way. Leaving alcohol may be hard but may be the path you want. Kat
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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby ThereisHope » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:38 pm

You should try al-anon. It will help

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby rad » Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:07 pm

I've been away in Europe during past 2 years. Had to leave my family there for 4 moths, so here i am in usa by myself, have been sober for 4 days, and I"m going to AA meeting tonight.
God Bless Us All

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby cleopatra » Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:03 am

Hi all,
I have been on all sides TOO many sides of this "comment" I am a daughter of a father (died from) who was 1 of 7 who ALL 7 were Addicts who's father & mother were Alcoholics. my Mother (alive /never drank) who WAS the oldest of 7 all alcoholic -died from Booze related illness her father was the alcoholic...and IWAS a sister/granddaughter/girlfriend/bestfriend of ALCOHOLICS! and ALL were told "I wish you would just die" ALL 4 of them KILLED THEMSELVES .

So I get it!!! I really do! I am now going through a marriage of 20 years with an Alcoholic who is unemployed on his 4 DUI and if it wasn't for our daughter I maybe wishing the same thing. BUT he "Doesn't have a problem" he drinks beer, and not every night and it is his release and Oh my favorite- the big 1.. doesn't like AA because those people "have problems " he says
Who am I hurting ?? I am just killing myself and what else is there to do my life sucks blah blah blah..

I am so over it! I know in my heart of hearts that it is a disease and I try and try to be understanding but I can't do it anymore. My only saving grace is that he will be doing time soon and maybe just maybe that will wake him up? I hate what LIFE with an alcoholic is like but I hate ever more what DEATH of an Alcoholic does to the Living. My mom has buried her son,stepson,husband,father all her brothers 1 sister, her inlaws and most of her brother/sister in laws all to Alcohol!

She is a strong women I don't think I can be that strong.

Prayers to all on BOTH sides of this and PLease PRAY FOR ME !! and MY daughter who is scarey enough loving alcohol in college :(

Cleo ( queen of denial for tooo long)
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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby Yes » Fri Apr 22, 2011 1:54 pm

At first glance, I thought the entry was a bit harsh too, but re-reading it I can feel the profound despair of the author. The spouses, kids, parents and loved ones of alcoholics are going through their own stages (and hopefully steps, too). Feeling anger and disappointment is part of life, and I credit both the author and site admin for keeping this post. I would encourage the author to remember him/herself. That wishing someone away at some point doesn't do much more than feed the unhealthy monster. In any situation, please leave if it is not best for you. That goes for both the A and the loved ones; it's a weird twist but we're on similar paths.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby DJphilly » Thu May 12, 2011 3:11 pm

I'd like to first say I've been living with active alcoholism for a few years now and can understand the dispair and torture you must be experiencing. My husband has been on this rollercoaster of relapse, recovery, relapse, recovery for longer than I can remember and I've been right there feeling the pain. My life became so unmanagable and perspective so completely distorted I was in depair myself. It reached a point where I could no longer function and thought I may loose my job and loose my sanity completely. And yes, I did consider how much better my life may be without him. My self worth and faith were completely shattered (though they weren't in the best shape before alcoholism presented itself). I started going to Al-Anon meetings and it has made sooo much of a difference in my life. I have only been going for a month an a half, but I am learning detachment and how to take care of myself. Most importantly I am learning how I can be happy/happier no matter what life throws at me. I'm not that far along towards that goal, but I can see the possibility of it in those in Al-Anon. I can only comment on myself and my own situation, but I know that the death of my husband would not make life easier or better. The damage has been done (by alcoholism and other life events) and I need to recover and focus on my health regardless of if my husband is alive, dead, drinking or not drinking. In fact I think his death would rob me of opportunities to heal and grow (not to mention I love him to death)! Alcoholism is a disease and a very cruel one in that it has such a huge impact on everyone around the alcoholic. I hope you know you are not alone in your feelings and your situation and I truly hope you find peace and happiness.
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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby michelle » Fri Oct 07, 2011 6:06 pm

I can completly relate. My daughter is killing herself with alcohol and precription drugs and taking us with her. We are stressed, sad, angry and lost. We don't know what to do. My husband asks me why I answer her calls, - because I hope the next call is "I am getting help", - not the usual I hate you mom call. Going to my first Al anon meeting on Saturday.

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby guest » Sat Oct 08, 2011 8:07 pm

Wow, there are a lot of thoughts and feelings running all over this post. I have been on both sides of this internal conflict, even from the perspective of a child, as mentioned earlier in the postings. My father was an extremely emotionally abusive alcoholic, and missed every important event of my childhood to go drink with his friends at the bar, located less than a mile from the house. He was there every day to the point that the kids on the bus knew that he drank every day. I went from blaming myself for not being a good enough son, to the realization that he was afflicted, and me being there had no impact on how he dealt with life. I saw my mom live in a worlddenial for decades, and thus know how it affects the other adults in this screwy life circle. Then, if that wasn't enough knowledge already, I somehow managed to become an addict myself. I've felt all the self loathing and dirtiness that comes with addiction, and believe me, most of us wish ourselves dead without your help Dave. I get his feelings, and they aren't invalid. Same with the ex-wife that has kids in this craziness. But don't forget that us addicts are depressed enough, and hearing a loved one say that can very well push us over the thin ledge we already stand on. I don't think anyone who is already feeling that hurt by loved ones ALSO would want their death on the conscience. Please just keep that in mind as you go about sorting through your anger Dave!


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