by Traceylynne » Mon Dec 26, 2011 5:31 pm
I am also new to Alanon. I was a drinker when I met my boyfriend 12 years ago. I have since been clean for almost 4 years andhave gotten help, therapy, and am on meds for depression. It is ruined our relationship. I am dependent on his money. I receive SSI but have just gotten a job to start-haven't worked for ten years. I feel like if I can do it, so can he. Ultimately I did go to rehab to get better for myself, but ALSO for US, our relationship, I did not want to lose him. It has gotten so bad, all I hear is lies, I have no trust left for him and he says he doesn't love me anymore and it's basically all my fault. It is frustrating and I'm trying to learn now how to live with this until I can go back to Nursing School and be able to support myself. I am between feeling I can do it, although my self esteem is non=existent and being suicidal. I have no family to take me in or help at all. I feel like everyday is a struggle to stay alive. I am afraid this will never end. I've heard.."I will never drink again" after bad things happen, like getting my face bashed in a few years ago, then recently when I found him asking women to help him cross-dress- Of course he did it "while he was drunk" I can't take much more. I leave and come back. What's wrong with me? Please help. I'm going to so many other therapy grous, etc. to get my head straight, and now I'm guessing I need to add Al-Anon to these. I'm getting weary. I'm always hurt and depressed. Please give me any advice or if you can understand, please help me..Thanks.