by sug484 » Thu May 05, 2011 2:04 am
I really need some advice. I have no idea what to do and am really lost.
My new husband has been smoking cocaine (using baking soda and a spoon to cook it first - is this freebasing or crack?). We have a 7 month old child. Do I divorce him or try to make it work? I'm scared and fed up too. He promises to stop, but lies and hides it. I've never even been around marijuana, let alone hard drugs.
I had a baby in September, and my new husband started acting oddly. We dated for 4 months before discovering I was pregnant, moved in together, and then married right before the baby was born. I am 40 and wasn't able to have chldren previously. We were happy, although life was stressful.
When the baby was born in September, his previous drinking escalated so that he got drunk not only on Fridays (which I was not happy about either) but also started getting drunk a couple of times a week. Then he started staying up all night, roaming the house, grinding his jaw, and acting paranoid -hearing noises outside . He would fall asleep at dawn, wake up throwing up, and spend the next two days in bed. When he acted that way, I felt compelled to sleep on the floor in my baby's room. I was exhausted from getting up every 2 hours to feed the baby and no had idea what was going on or what to do. The net said that paranoia was a late stage alcoholic behavior. I am the child of an alcoholic father, but he was functional and never acted paranoid. When I reached out to my family and friends, we all just focused on how to get him to reduce his drinking. He would agree and then get drunk anyway.
This paranoid behavior too escalated until by the time our child was 2 months old, it had gone from the occasional Friday to a few times a week. I actually started tracking it in the log I kept on the baby, just to be sure i wasn't crazy. He started carrying a loaded gun around when he heard the voices, so I took it and hid it, but when he sobered up he would threaten to just go buy another if I didn't put it back. In January, right after I went back to work, i finally cornered him and said - this behavior can't just be drinking. What are you on? He said marijuana laced with PCB. Visions from TV of crazy men high on PCB murdering their families and throwing off several policemen at once went through my mind. I was too scared to call the police (he had the loaded gun again too - but had never threatened us). I shut my baby and I up in his room and waited until he passed out in the AM, and then bolted. Later he admitted that he didn't want to tell me it was cocaine/crack, and thought marijuana laced with PCB would be less frightening.
We found a drug counselor, who listened to both of us with my husband freely admitting to his drug use. The counselor said he was only a user, not an addict, and said he wouldn't even have agreed to another session, except that my husband admitting to having this problem several years earlier also.
My husband stopped drinking and drugging for a month to prove to me that he was not an addict, and then started slowly back with a few beers. He's started staying up all night again, and acting paranoid. I left again last weekend. He keeps promising to stop, but doesn't.
Should I give up and divorce him? I love him and he has a lot of good qualities, but drug use has always been a deal-breaker for me. I feel like I'm slowly comprosmising all of my beliefs, and endangering my child.
Help!
Sorry for the long email. I have no one I can talk to who has experience with drugs and that counselor hurt the situation more than helping.