by abclimo » Wed Sep 07, 2011 7:48 am
Dear Newbaby 1972: Hi and welcome. It always amazes me how many of us do the self medicating thing. The first thing in your post that jumped out at me was "a traumatic event". Did you ever deal with this event or get counseling for it? The next thing that jumps out at me, other than self medicating is "severe depression and anxiety". Put those things hand in hand and you have a recipe for disaster. Meetings will definitely help, but you need to go, and be honest and participate and share. Recovering addicts, whether they are alcoholics or drug addicts can totally relate to where you are in your life and will be very compassionate, having been there themselves. The next thing that jumps out at me is your husband thinking he is "responsible and in control", but he uses alcohol and other things, but you have parties at your home every weekend. To me that just screams addict. You both need to get some counseling and go to meetings together and work the program, it works, but you must definitely work at obtaining the sober and clean lifestyle. Tell your husband you would like to go to meetings and would like him to go with you, maybe he will realize on his own that he needs help as well. But, no matter what, you have realized that you need help, go to a meeting, if you don't feel comfortable at first, just sit and listen, you'll be amazed at how much you can learn. Try several different meetings until you find the one you are most comfortable at where you feel you can share. Believe me, no matter what you say, no one will make fun of you or think badly of you for what you say, many have been in much worse places than you are in. You can obtain the clean and sober lifestyle that you deserve, you just need to work at it and it may not be a simple job. But you can do it, you are worth it and your children are worth it. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your children, otherwise they will grow up thinking this is the "normal" and you will have the next generation of addicts. Unless you actively work to break this chain, it just keeps on going. The hardest thing I had to do in my life was to admit to myself that I had a problem and then to admit to someone else that I had a problem. There are a lot of people out there who would help you, but you have to take the first step in asking for help. Your journey will be worth it, and you can do it.