I wish you every prayer and hope in this world. AA has saved my life and the lives of thousands.
I've been sober 28 years. Yeah you might think it's a big deal and temptation leaves but it doesn't. My 45 year old daughter died in September. The other night I was invited to a church service to help anyone who has experienced the death of a family member this year. I was very anxious (stressed) about going. While I was getting ready to leave I thought "if I had a large glass of vodka" it would be easier to attend. I thank God that my next thought was "where did that come from? You wanna make everything worse by picking up?"
I didn't drink. I don't keep alcohol in my house.
It says in the Big Book that God could and would help us if He were asked and I asked Him for sanity to re-enter my mind and soul. A Power greater than me is getting me through the worst time in my life and He will get any of us through anything.
Pray, pray, and then pray some more. It's my answer.