jasontorinn wrote:hello, i am a dad and husband. i had 7 years clean and got cocky. i took a perk for an injury. i knew better.. i damn well knew! i have been useing for the past year. i have managed to burn my entire life and all those in it. i lost my loved ones trust lost my buissness dropped out of college and worst of all each day i dread waking up. i have done all the things i knew were wrong. i have lied stolen and worse. i have finaly hit my bottom. my wife and kids have been through to much. i have always put my recovery before anything else and now i have nothing to put first or last. i am an empty shell of who i might have been. i am two days clean cold turkey and i am in so much pain emotionaly and physicly. i am holding on to the memory of who i might become again. the shame of this last year weighs on me and tries to drag me down every moment of every day. i miss meetings so much but i am to ashamed to ask for there help. i know its the exactly the wwrong thing to do but i cant even look at myself nevermind anyone else. i am taking it a moment at a time and holding on to the hope i will wake up not sick someday. jason
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