by abclimo » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:47 am
rj: So many of us use the drug of our choice to cover our feelings, whether they are fear, depression, anxiety, anger, etc., but you still have to deal with those feelings eventually. For me, I found that my using was to cover anxiety that I was having, not for the "high" feeling. I know you may be thinking we are different because my problem was drugs and yours is alcohol, but we are still people with an addiction and we are the same in that aspect. For me, I found that journaling helped a lot with those feelings. I could write down what I was feeling and then reread it after I wrote it and realized that it wasn't as bad on paper as it felt inside my head. I never used when I was younger, but when I was in my late 40's, I started using and couldn't stop, until I got help and figured out what was really causing me to use. Definitely find a meeting, find meetings, try more than one, because they are not all the same. I have found at the meetings that I go to, they are very warm and caring people, who truly care how you are doing and they make you feel very welcome at those meetings. If you are not comfortable sharing, then just go and hear what they are saying. When you are ready, your hand will go up and you will feel able to share how you are feeling, and by sharing that burden with others, you will start to heal and recover. There is a huge difference between being clean and sober and being recovering. You have admitted that you have a problem, now make a plan to stay sober, you can do this, you are worth it.