by kaylafay » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:49 pm
Thank you so much for the support. I am on my 6 day sober and I feel really good about it. I woke up Saturday without a hangover and got on the train at 9am. It was refreshing to wake up and venture out into the day without feeling tired and/or sick. It's a new thing for me in terms of how awful I feel on the weekends. Something wonderful happened. Later that night, after I had originally posted, I was taking a look on Facebook and a friend had posted something along the lines of..."six years ago I lost everything. Three days into never doing it again." He's actually a very good frie. nd of mine, so even at 1am I was able to text him and say, "Are you quitting?" We have plans to visit AA meetings together and provide support to one another. I went to work at the bar and it was fine. I gave away my shift drink and in general felt very much in control. I am fully aware of the fact that if at any point I feel like working in this sort of environment threatens my sobriety, I will have to quit. I only go there two days a week, so at this point I think that I can manage it. Another thing is that my boyfriend of five years doesn't fully understand my conviction just yet. I met him for drinks last night, because he works so hard and wants to meet his friends once a week for drinks. So I drank soda and that was fine. He didn't know that I was quitting and asked me if I wanted a beer. I told him, "no" and I refered to the incident at the bar while I was working. He kept saying, I can't believe that you still have your job. You were outta control, but you can have a few beers now. You're not working." Eventually I explained the way I'm feeling and at this point I feel like he thinks that I'm going through another "quitting" phase. I don't see him asking me again. I can't wait till I can say that I don't drink, like its just not my thing and that's fine. Sorry this is all very long winded and I am going on and on about myself. After the first response to this post I was feeling really down. I read it at my other job and it struck a chord in me that made me feel really bad. It was exactly what I was afraid of when faced with in telling my story with strangers. I actually started crying at work because it felt harsh and judgemental. I went to the bathroom and took a breather. I'm glad that I chose to begin online, because a could take what I felt like a low blow and react and then gather myself and process it. The "tough love" approach doesn't sit well with some people, and I am one of those people. When you already feel like a horrible, horrid person "tough love" or whatever people call it, makes you feel even worse. With that said, I think that its amazing that the text of complete strangers can provide so much support and warmth. Thank you and I think I can do it this time. I hope the best for all of you.