son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

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son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby brokenheartedmom » Mon Oct 10, 2011 12:44 pm

i am looking to connect with any parent to discuss my son's drug addition. this has ruined my family and has broken my heart. can someone listen to me. desperate.
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby andreal » Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:38 am

I know your heart is broken, but you have to get tough with him now. You set the standards, you and your family could set up an intervention for him, and let him know now is the time to get help. Getting him help is crucial, if he refuses, then you have to get tough - no money, take the keys away, ect.., one thing I learned is that the rest of your family ( husband, children ) need you as well, and as time goes on, they will resent the fact that all the attention was on the addict.He needs help, but if he is not willing, the addiction and manipulation will continue. Pray for your son, have everyone you know pray for him. Tell him you are praying for him, but you must keep the upper hand for his sake, yours and the rest of your family. I will pray for him and you as well. Be strong... God bless.

There is always hope- ALWAYS! Don't give up on him, he has a sickness.Most people that are addicts have the BEST hearts underneath.Unfortunately, addiction masks that heart, and turns people into strangers. Pray and pray hard, Contact your local rehab hotline and they will guide you depending on his age.
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby dianevrt » Wed Oct 12, 2011 8:54 am

Dear brokenheart,It is very heart breaking to see a love one self destruct. I suggest you seek help through alanon a program where families of drug addicted children spouses etc. unite in seeking a solution or outlet for themselves to know how to deal a family member addicted.There you wii see you're not alone.Search resources in your town for an ALANON nearby,right now you need support and education i think alanon would be helpful to you in many ways. Good luck and know that you are not alone.
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby eileen » Wed Oct 12, 2011 3:51 pm

hi
please get to a nar anon meeting that is in your area. go to nar anon. org and you will find a chat room and a forum where you will meet people like yourself . you are not alone
eileen
 

Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby robertoZ » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:25 pm

For families of addicts this is THE place:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby marcy » Fri Nov 04, 2011 7:55 am

Our son is currently in rehab for alcohol addiction. It is heartbreaking to watch his life fall apart but by now we really dont even know him. He is a master with lies, manipulation, denial. We have tried our best to help him get back on his feet on previous occasions.....only to be fooled and sucked in again. My husband and I are simply heartbroken and are trying to "detach with love" but we really arent sure what that should look like. Just started atttening al anon but right now feel really really lost. Need the advice of those who are or have been where we are now.
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby abclimo » Sun Nov 06, 2011 11:12 am

Brokenhearted Mom and Marcy: Hi and thanks for your postings. It's so important to be heard and to talk to others in your same situations. I can tell you about being on the other side of where you are at and maybe it'll help you understand what goes on a little better (at least that's my hope). When we are in our active addiction, whether it is drugs or alcohol, we are so self centered and self absorbed, our only thoughts are on getting and using our drug of choice (and alcohol is a drug). Addiction is a disease and it's a disease for the rest of your life. It's possible to get it under control and sometimes we can even forget that we had a problem. We become the master at telling lies, manipulating people and getting what we want by whatever means possible. We start to tell lies so well, we even believe ourselves though our clouded minds. Denial is a huge one as well, we can tell ourselves that we don't have a problem, that we can stop using at any time, that we use to help deal with stress, losing a job, etc. We can justify just about anything. Parents/ spouses/significant others many times become our enablers, not always willingly. They help us by giving us money, taking us in if we lose our house or apartment, feeding us because we have no money for food because we have used it all to buy drugs. It's just amazing what we put our families through, but don't realize that we are hurting our loved ones, our only thought is we are hurting no one but ourselves. It's only after being clean and sober that we can start to see the hell we put our families through. They say that for someone to deal with their addiction, they have to hit rock bottom and then even lower than that. Unfortunately, here's the big part, we have to really want to be helped and that's the hardest part for most people. So many people start to get clean and sober because they are court mandated, or their family is "making" them do it. That doesn't work most of the time and they will find a way to get back out there and get back into active addiction, usually pretty quickly. There is a huge difference between being clean and sober and recovering. So many people think that being clean and sober will get them through, but it usually doesn't. Recovery is key, and that's dealing with why we were addicted and it's only after being clean that we can be figure out what was driving us to use. Lots of people have a problem with figuring out why they were using and how to live life without using to deal with normal everyday living. So many addicts "self medicate" to help dealing with the pressures of family, everyday life, job issues, money issues, etc. Meetings absolutely help and without them, I would not be in my recovery and continuing to heal without meetings. It's recommended to do 90 meetings in your first 90 days of being clean and sober, but that doesn't work for everyone with all the scheduling issues for normal everyday life. It's important to go to meetings and really listen to what is being said and to share honestly. My problem was not alcohol, it was drugs, but it's basically the same, it's still an addiction and it's a mind altering substance no matter how you look at it. You should look for meetings for yourselves so you can hear what is being said and it will definitely help you to heal. Healing is not a quick process, it takes time, after all we didn't become addicted overnight, so healing takes time in comparison to that. It also takes a lot for being on your side of the coin to being to trust that the addict is being honest with you, since they have lied and deceived so many times and you have learned to distrust what they say, and rightly so. You can expect a lot of anger from him, moodiness, resentment and so many other feelings and you'll experience lots of feelings too, some really strong, and others much more mild. There will be temptation all around, people he was friends with when he was in his addiction, places that he used to go to use and other things that will trigger the desire to use, even after a significant amount of clean time. It's important that he get a sponsor, to call when those urges and feelings hit, someone who's been there and can help guide him through it. The statistics that an addict will have a relapse is astounding. The average addict will be through rehab 7 times before they finally "get it". So many also switch their drug of choice for another and the substitution can be much worse. Definitely find a meeting for yourselves to go to, so you can help understand what is going on and so you can heal and begin to live your lives again. It's a difficult journey and the roadway is really bumpy sometimes, but it's definitely worth it. Praying for strength for you on your journey.
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby trubeayouty » Sun Dec 04, 2011 8:19 pm

NEVER give up on him... My husband has struggled with sobriety for 9 years and the one thing he always tells me and that always sticks in my head is that his parents never gave up on him... no matter how bad things got they where and are always there... thru the good and the bad!! Do not give up and try to see the world thru his eyes... It's a hard life out there for some people and he can never admit that you turned your back on him when he needed you the most (even if he can't admit it) and when things are going good for him be sure to acknowledge it!! Most people only look at the negative, try to see the good in him and make sure he know it...
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby Guest » Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:27 pm

SPOLIER ALERT- You are about to read the TRUTH- If you can't accept it, Please skip to the next post!
My best advice is to PRAY and let GOD take care of him. I lost my 19 year old son to a heroin overdose 6 years ago.
His name was William Justin McCloskey....
He was my heart and my baby.....I miss him every day! I am broken forever, I will never be the same. But he is finally at rest, having lost the battle that FAR TOO MANY of our young people are losing all over the US! It is truly an epidemic, that is completely OUT OF CONTROL.
I tried absolutely EVERYTHING I could to help him. I played EXTREME HARD BALL, I put him in every rehab I could get him into since the age of 11 when he first started "huffing" anything he could get his hands on. His path was one of self-destruction.
I had him arrested when he took my car out for a joy ride at 15 years old, refused to take him home when the judge said that he could come home. He cried in the courtroom. I held it together and then cried for 4 solid days until I couldn't even see because my eyes were so swollen.
I pleaded and begged, I threatened and punished, I understood and I LOVED him with all of my heart.
He was raised in a drug-free, alcohol free home (with 2 recovering parents), and I still feel guilt because he "caught" my disease.......
He was raised with an awareness of the dangers of drugs and alcohol and sat through AA meetings with me and his coloring books when he was 3 years old,
only to sit there years later by himself.
He was confused about God in the end and I can only pray that before he passed, he asked for forgiveness.
His brother is 28 now (they were only 15 months apart), he has his Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering, is happily married, owns his own home and 2 vehicles and anything else he could ever want in material possesions. He plans to go on to attain a PhD and teach (He will succeed, he always follows though on everything).
He does not know God and is a self proclaimed athiest.
I pray for his soul too.
Our children are not our own, they are on "loan" to us, a GIFT from God!
I Thank God for the time that he gave me with my lost son, Justin. I pray that I will see him again in the end.
You can hope all you want, but in the end, It is not up to us. When he has suffered too much, God will show mercy and take him home. Just LOVE him today, for he may not be with you tomrorrow....
God Bless You, Leigh in PA
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Re: son ruined life on drugs - is there hope

Unread postby ivycool » Sun May 27, 2012 11:17 pm

go to nar anon. org and you will find a chat room and a forum where you will meet people like yourself . you are not alone


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