message to the addict.

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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby dianevrt » Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:27 pm

Wow! this is one message i couldn't pass up,It's filled with so many emotions that has remined me of what i had put my family throught in my addiction ,and how the addict only things their hurting themselves and no one else,but at the same time really needs that one somebody to still love you after ruining every relationship known to mankind,as a recovering addict of 7yrs 4 mos now stuff like this along with much more is what helps me stay clean today,if not for the last 2 people in my life,my son and daughter who had not given up on me through it all and a dieing need to be sober i would not be responding to this message right now.My life today is one i could never imagine,being in recovery. The rewards are unmeasurable,so i have to thank you for this message and hope that, that someone in your life that has destroyed all roads of connection to you,they need you more than you may think
so dont give up too quickly,they may be dead to you but not really dead already.I also suggest trying ALANON YOU WILL FIND YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS.THANK YOU,I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.
dianevrt
 

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby robertoZ » Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:04 pm

Glad you left it. It's helping me stay sober right now. I have a disease that, if left untreated, will have me exhibiting the same characteristics as the ones described here.
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Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby necybug » Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:19 pm

frankiefixescomputers wrote:
> It is said that when somebody else acts, and I cannot control my feelings
> over that, that I am Co-Dependant. This note that you wrote, in a nutshell,
> spells out how those who voluntarily involve themselves with people in
> addiction are deeply disturbed and need some help too. Unless a man is in a
> cell with another, or is in some simular circumstance, it is voluntary
> interaction. The fact that we can become so negative, that we can become so
> charged with reaction all the while blaming others for our feelings is a
> sickness that in a perverse way, attracts us to other people in their
> addiction. We who are Co-Dependant, usually beg or comand. We rarely just
> walk away from what is unhealthy. Instead, we put ourselves in a position
> to cure the other person where other medical or spiritual treatments have
> failed in their lives. in short, we tend to step into the lions mouth, and
> then complain when he starts knashing his teeth! It is true that we all get
> screwed by people from time to time. They even outright lie, cheat, beg,
> borrow, manipulate, and steal! But wouldn't a healthy person be able to
> draw a line and then say goodbye when the person steps over it? You sound
> as if more than one of your lines has been steped over. while your feelings
> are valid, they are probably a healthy response to what you have been
> through, just look at how much you have put yourself through to feel so
> wroth! And if just crossing the line once has put you in such apathy, how
> lonely you must feel when any one of a hundred people tries to make friends
> with you. I learn to let go of people with love and understanding before I
> get a consuming negativity becuase I feel better all through the day. That
> allows me to have some peace of mind. I forgive while there is still not
> much to forgive because a deep resentment is like a wet blanket that can
> soak you down to the bone. I look at sick people like they are sick. As I
> discover that a man has cancer, I realize that only the cancer doctor can
> fix him, and I don't look at him as if he can sure himself of it either. I
> view the alcoholic and addict the same way. That if they aren't applying
> the medecine to treat their condition, they are not going to get better.
> For with the training to deal with and treat the sick comes the training to
> deal with your reaction to their illness. My reaction to other peoples
> problems are in direct proportion to my ability to help them with it. Just
> because somebody isn't well, it doesn't mean that I have to expose myself
> to their disease. Especially if I do not possess the ability to deal with
> it! May the peace of God find you my friend.
necybug
 

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby tootired » Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:21 am

I agree with Dave in many respects. I have recently made the decision to discontinue contact with my mother. Its the hardest think I have ever done. She drank heavily throughout my childhood, was sober for 12 years and recently drank again. She is extraordinarily selfish and lies for convience and not to answer to her responsibilities or critics. She is depressed and somewhat disconnected with realtity. She is divorced and recently lost her home, all a result of poor decisions she has made. And I have turned my back. I am emotionally dry and do not have the ability to care any longer. I have two small children and need to devote all my love and energy on them. Is anyone able to support this decision? Tell me I am not selfish. Tell me I need to care for myself and my family.
tootired
 

Re: message to the addict.

Unread postby abclimo » Mon Oct 24, 2011 9:29 am

Tootired: This whole post is such a powerful post. The fact that your mother was sober for 12 years proves she can do it. Did something change around the time she started drinking again? Was that when she was divorced or lost her home, something probably triggered her to start drinking, something very upsetting. I do agree that she probably drinks to avoid reality and responsibilities, etc., that's what addicts/alcoholics do, also to avoid depression, even though it makes you more depressed. Addiction/alcohol causes us to make very poor decisions, even though we think we are doing exceptionally well in controlling our lives and making our decisions, when we are clean/sober and can look back, it's amazing even to us how stupid we were at that time. It is very draining to deal with an addict/alcoholic. It's also important to remember that addiction/alcoholism is a disease, just the same as cancer is a disease and that part can be very difficult for people to remember. Your decision is something you have to make based on everything that goes on, but it'll be hard either way. You definitely do need to take care of yourself and your family because to be honest, not rude, your mother really doesn't care how things are going for you. She's only interested in herself and in getting her drinks, it's how it is with people with an addiction. I've been in the shoes of being the addict and I can tell you when you get clean and look back, you see how much destruction you caused in your life. You also realized that you were not only hurting yourself, which is what you think at the time, but you are hurting everyone who loves you and cares about you. Eventually they do get fed up and say enough is enough. I came to my own realization that I needed help, thankfully, and got help and came back with the resolve that I'm never going back there. I'm just putting it out there for both sides of the coin. Good luck on whatever you decide, it'll be difficult no matter what.
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