CONSTANT STRUGGLE

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CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby CHAMPION » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:44 am

I am 35 years old, and am struggling with heroin addiction. It's crazy. Even after i get over the withdrawal stages, i still go back and buy dope. I will use even while i'm taking suboxone or methadone. I feel like i have wasted so much of my life , and will never accomplish anything. I have burned bridges and caused so much enmity between me and old friends and relatives, especially when i used to get drunk. I would start alot of trouble. I know that i want to stop using drugs, but as soon as i get some money, drug use is the first thing that pops in my mind. It's hard to resist. I have a good woman by my side that strongly supports my recovery, and i do not want to lose her. My mother suffers seeing me go through what i go through. I need to be in touch with people in recovery, and i need incouragement.
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby abclimo » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:14 pm

Champion: Hi and welcome. Addiction, whether it is drug or alcohol, is a vey serious issue. You have said you want to stop using drugs and that's a big step. Meetings are so important. Find some meetings near you and start going to some. All meetings are NOT the same, and I can't stress that enough. If you go to one and it isn't a place of caring where people want to help you on yur journey to getting clean, don't let it cloud your judgment. Find another location and go to that one. Collect phone lists with names and phone numbers to call BEFORE you use drugs/alcohol. Eventually find someone you are comfortable talking openly and honestly with and ask them to be your sponsor. It's not always an easy journey to stay clean/sober, sometimes even after significant clean time, something will pop up tempting you to use. It's important to learn what to do in that case and to definitely do it. You can do this with some encouragement from your family and others out there who have been through what you are going through. Keep posting here, we're like an NA meeting without having to leave your house and we do care what happens. We've been through what you are experiencing in some shape or form. Keep positive thoughts and you can succeed at this.
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby sober on spruce » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:12 pm

Dear Constant Struggle,

Addiction is the only fight you win by SURRENDERING and yes it is so powerful that even suboxone and methadone can't "fix it". If you are still using I would suggest you go to nearest ER or crisis center and tell them you need help and can't stop. They can help you if you need detox and inpatient treatment. Also go online and look up AA/NA meetings and go to the next one and put your hand up and get honest about needing help. Addiction causes unbelievable suffering (as you seem to know) and can kill you. I think it's great you have a supportive person with you but she can not fix this for you. She needs Alanon or Naranon and you need to make a decision that you will do anything to get and stay clean. It may be the hardest thing you will ever do but you do not have to live like this and sobriety is waiting for you (and it's a wonderful life) but you have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Go to a meeting and reach out and seek medical attention at ER if need be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

sober on spruce
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby CHAMPION » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:36 am

Thanks for the good advice.
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby ant3daly » Sun Jan 08, 2012 9:22 am

The first couple times i got sober or went through rehab i almost immediately went back to using. It's a hard road. Eventually you have to make the decision to not use anymore. Once you do that you need to build a support network. Find meetings you are comfortable in. And i say meetings not meeting because if you only have one you usually don't have a place to go all day. Having different meetings you know will give you a place to go whenever you're feeling the pull of addiction. And like wax said before, get phone lists art the meetings so you have someone n to call when there is no meeting available. The trick is you have to call.. having the list in your wallet doesn't help. It's all about how much you put into it. If you give nothing you'll get nothing. Of you give your all you'll get so much in return. I hope you find something that helps before that girl you have has enoh. My fiance supported me through my first couple times in recovery. The last time was just to much for her. And i understand how trying i it must be for the friends and family we abuse in our addiction. I still love her and hope she finds what she needs. I hope you do too. You can only do it for yourself. Hope i see some more posts from you to say how things are. God
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby CHAMPION » Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:21 am

Thank you ant3daly. It's true about calling the numbers. I have gotten numbers before , and did'nt call. So i do need to use those numbers, when i get more numbers at meetings. And i hope things get better for you. Today i am sober and clean.
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby Sprucepine » Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:05 pm

Drug addiction is a serious problem that doesnt go away bc u want it to. great that ur gf gives u suppott but u no wat u need to do. U need meetings,a sponsor,friends who dnt use and lots of prayer. Things will get better wen u do better insanity means doing the same thing exspecting different results. Love urself enuff to surrender until u do so u will only continue to suffer. Gud luck I will b prayin for ya..
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby Marjorie0906 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:23 pm

Re constant struggle
I know about struggle. My adiction lasted 30 something years. I was 46 when I got into recovery. I did re-lapse twice and now I am in a Christian Recovery House and have remained clean and sober for 2 1/2 years. I have good people around me and I know I need this. I will be moving on my own in a few months but I will always need to be around strong and sober people. You must remember that life itself is a struggle but with help from a higher power and sober people you can do this. I will say a pray for you. God Bless. If you need to go to rehab then go. You need to do this for you. You will feel so much better about things. One day at a time.
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby abclimo » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:35 pm

Marjorie: Thanks for sharing. Your story gives a lot of hope to many out there. So many people think that addiction is limited to the younger people. It's so important to surround yourself with people who are strong and clean/sober. Thanks again for your message of hope. Hugs and prayers!
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby Sober thompson » Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:38 pm

I used meth for 12 years and struggled with the same thing. Every time I got money I would go and buy even after being clean for 30 days! I eventually checked my self into a rehab program and relapsed again. I thought I was never going to be able to get clean. I then started cross addicting with marijuana and alcohol. I stopped using meth and started a much worse habit. Until very recently I got up everyday thinking it could be my last. I started surrounding myself with sober people going to a.a. And trying to get involved and before I knew it I was ready for recovery. It takes you a certain turning point in life to know you are ready and every body has a different rock bottom. Keep your head up and just know you are not the only one out there. I hope you hearing my struggle can give you a little hope :)
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby abclimo » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:47 am

Sober: Thanks for sharing your story. I love reading everyones story because it reminds us that no matter how bad we think things are we can turn around and have a clean and sober life and live a great life. Hugs!
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Re: CONSTANT STRUGGLE

Unread postby daved7630 » Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:00 am

Getting physically clean is only part of the battle. Meetings and a sponsor are a big part of my recovery. I've been clean several times over the years, but this has been the difference this time, along with constant contact with my higher power.
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