by abclimo » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:36 pm
Hi and welcome! Have you tried going to an al-anon meeting or to an NA meeting? Either may be beneficial to you, because you'll hear stories of exactly what you are experiencing. We with the disease of addiction become so good at lying that we can actually make ourselves believe our lies. Once we get clean, it's important to become an honest person and that's difficult, because we've been lying to ourselves and others. I heard a speaker recently say the phrase WHO and I had never heard it before and had no idea what she was talking about. It means being Willling, Honest and Open-minded, which as an addict or recovering addict, it does take some doing to get to that point. I also heard someone else say that "lies keep us sick". It's important to know that suboxone can also be highly addicting and can take the place of the percocets as a substitute addiction. I can tell you that my husband was so suspicious of everything in the beginning and it made me so resentful of him. We actually attended counseling and talked about this topic more than once. I kept telling him it was time to let go of the past and move on. What I didn't stop to realize that until he was ready to deal with his anger towards me, he couldn't move on. It almost ended our marriage. The bottom line is you need to do what is best for you, and that may not be what is best for him. Don't stay in a relationship just because you're worried about what leaving could do to him. You've put him first for a long time and only you can decide what is best. You said you may be addicted to him, and that's a possibility that you are co-dependent. If he's just recently clean, maybe he'll change, if he's been clean for a while, he may never change. I wish you the best and I know it's not an easy decision to make.