Help with alcoholic boyfriend

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Help with alcoholic boyfriend

Unread postby Rodgers » Wed May 23, 2012 12:33 pm

Hey everyone,

I need big time advise, long story shorter, i have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He was in jail for violating his parole with a DUI. When he got out he was amazing completely turned his life around. Stopped the drugs got a job but not the drinking. He can't just have a couple drinks and stop. He needs to drink to get completely wasted. Don't get me wrong he is the most amazing person I have ever met, kind loving he would do anything for me. But when he drinks he is a completely different person. He turns blank in his face and is mean very very mean. He acts crazy and then just wants to drink more and more. We have had numerous fights about it and one fight was physical. I just chucked it up to he was drunk and didn't mean it. After the one fight that got physical he did cut back a little. Well I'm not sure if it was cause of the physical fight or if it was cause he just got a job that he stopped drinking from every single night to on the weekends. He cut back a lot for me, (maybe for me or for his job I don't know) but even on the weekends it was pretty bad. We just got back from costa rica for two weeks with his family and the first half of the trip was awful. We had flight mishaps and he drank a lot slot during the whole trip. One fight was completely out of hand that his mom had to walk me away and I was hysterical on the phone with my dad to fly me home (I'm 22 by the way) I wound up staying but when he finally sobered up he realized he was wrong. The last couple days after that he was that amazing guy again. The guy I feel in love with. It was like he completely swept me off my feet again. He promised me he would stop he would fix everything and he'd change. He promised me up and down. Then as the days passed it was I'll only beer drink it's the liquor that makes me mean. Then that all went out the so down when in the airport on the way home he bought a bottle of rum to "drink with the guys when he got home". My heart sank when he said that. I felt lied too and that nothing would ever change. He knew I was upset and he kelt apologizing and said he would stop. I felt like I couldn't believe him he's nothing but false promises. The next day we talked and I told him he needed help and I couldn't do this anymore until he gets help. He told me he would but literally not even a half hour later he was out drinking that bottle of rum with his friends. That's when I had it, I realized he's never gonna chage. That night I dont what happened I guess he realized that I was really done he told me he's serious. He'll go to rehab he'll get help he'll go to aa. He wants to see me and our little puppy he got me for Christmas but I told him no not until he proves to me that he's getting help and he's serious. I hate having to do this but I can't give in to him. I'll take one look at him and fall under his spell then he'll stop for a couple days and then start right up again. Not to mention my family and him don't exactly get along. He never wanted anything to do with my family ever. Never came around them or went to any family function. He wouldn't even be my date to my sisters wedding. All they wanted to do was get to know him and they wouldn't let him. Now I think it might be to late. They are afraid that he is going to hurt me and that he's not good for me. They keep telling me I need to move on that if he really loved me he would never ever treat me like that. I can't just let him go. I want so badly for him to change. I want him but not the way he is now. I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do. I want to be theremfor him ever step of the way. If i go back to him I may lose my family so I need to be sure it's going to be worth it and things will change for good. Unless he sits down and talks with my dad and explains to him, but that will never happen. He would never do that. He wants nothing to do with my family. I'm so lost. Im have no one. I lost my friends because they warned me he was bad and i wouldn't listen. I have no family support, I dont even know if what I am doing is right. Please anyone help me
Rodgers
 

Re: Help with alcoholic boyfriend

Unread postby rsgoldpop » Tue Jun 26, 2012 3:24 am

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Re: Help with alcoholic boyfriend

Unread postby eddiered » Tue Jun 26, 2012 8:58 pm

That is a tough situation to be in. I think many of us have had relationships/friendships with people who have struggled with drugs and alcohol. For me I had to be supportive of my friends who suffered from drug addiction and do what was was in my capacity to be helpful. On the flip side of that I did not want to compromise the freedom and happiness of my life. I can be hopeful and loving but I can't always expect that somebody is join got get better. Alcoholism and drug addiction are devastating illnesses. Sometimes the best thing is to part ways or change the nature of the relationship. I would not want to lead a miserable and unpredictable existence and leave myself open to be hurt repeatedly. My experience it that in order for an addict/alcoholic to turn their life around they have to abstain from drugs and alcohol completely. I have to respect myself and not get sucked down the drain with somebody...there are only so many chances you can give a person.
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Re: Help with alcoholic boyfriend

Unread postby Hope-less » Mon Aug 27, 2012 1:24 pm

I absolutely agree with the previous post! You are not tied into this relationship - not married, no kids, no legal committment. He needs to WANT to change hisself. I am in the same shoe as you, husband has been using for the past 3 years after a medical condition. He NEVER used before and was the swestest, most caring person. We;ve been togetehr for 13 years and the past 3 have been an emotional rollarcoaster. I am at my wits end and have finally put my foot down. I am even considering divorce because I do NOT want to live my life in fear of how he will be emotionally that day or if perosnal belongings will go missing or money will be stolen form my bank account. You have the free opportunity to walk out with no connections, no ties. Your family is looking out for your best interest. You can't close your eyes ot his comments and actions. Alcoholism and drug use is no excuse for being treated poorly and being ebused, whetehr emotionally, mentally, physically. The worst thing you can do for him is ignore the problema nd chalk it up to his addiction. The best thing you can do is stare it in the face, confront it and stand up for yourself. Perhaps that will make him open his eyes to his disease and what he can loose. Good luck! Stay safe.
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