by Guest » Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:34 pm
When I first got sober, it was suggested that I did not make any serious life changes within the first year. The biggest things that was advised against was getting into a relationsip within the first year. My sponsor actually made that a mandatory thing that I had to commit to in order to work with her. I was totally fine with that, until I met someone. I was about 5 months sober, and it was my best friends brother. He had just moved back to town and we hit it off. While he wasnt sober, he did not drink, and admitted right away that he smoked pot occasionally. Long story short, we got together and it didnt work out. I came out of the relationship pretty unscathed, just learned my lesson that it wasnt the right time. A few weeks before my 1 year was up, I met someone else. Again, not in the program, and not sober. He didnt smoke pot, or do any other drugs, which I thought was an improvement over my last relationship. Turns out, he drank more than a little, and by the time this relationship ended I was pretty broken, and almost relapsed more than once. It ended in April, and I decided not to get into another relationship for a long time.
And then I met someone. He is 18 months sober,Im looking at 17 months on July 4th. Most of those 18 months he spent in prison, but he is now about to complete treatment. We met at a meeting, and there was instant chemistry, although I tried not to even look at him, just knowing how I am when it comes to men. We've ran into eachother at several meetings in the past few weeks and we exchanged numbers tonight. Although I still dont know him that well, I know I am interested. Very. I am extremely hesitant because of what I just went through with my ex, and mostly because he is 34 and I am 21. I have always been attracted to older men and never dated someone my own age. But Ive also never dated someone who was more than 10 years older than me. I am pretty mature for my age and have been told I have an old soul, but the age gap is huge. I feel like at this point, I can definetly put the brakes on these feelings Ive developed, and we could possibly become friends. Im curious, does anyone have experience with age differences in relationships, in sobriety? If you could please share, Im really looking for some advice and would love to hear your experiences.