what do i do?

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what do i do?

Unread postby cakid » Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:59 am

Well, I'll give some background. Basically, I've loved prescription pills ever since HS. I'm 23 now and still use, although I don't do coke/E anymore.

Thats because I had a couple seizures from xanax withdrawl (I'm guessing) and basically ended up passing out dropping a laptop right in front of my parents. Went to outpatient rehab....helped, but I was never really "clean" because at the same time I sliced the tip of my finger off and was on norcos/percocet for about 7 months...long ordeal, surgery, neuroma...ugly.

Let's face it though, I use all the time. Pills and weed. Although my life has turned around dramatically from when I left rehab (people have noticed)....I have two jobs, I graduated college this year from a good university and just generally have been successful. And that's how it appears and in a way, I'm successful.

But I have a dark secret and it's that I'm a prolific user of mainly norcos/percocets. Oddly, I don't really do xanax because of seizures....so I take valium. I do it at night...mainly to get to bed but also to relax.

But relax from what? I guess it's mainly because I feel I'll never measure up to my parents (who are successful themselves), society, my friends, their parents and everybody around me. Everyone says I'm doing fine and they're all amazed, but I hate myself...lets face it. I feel like a complete and total failure....but yet during the day, I'm doing things...doing my job, doing it well and advancing quickly.

Sometimes I just don't get it. Is it the people I hang out with? Probably. I'm trapped in my hometown, but that's where my real estate knowledge is (I love RE!). I have a true passion for that and politics, which is where I work on a campaign.

I want to meet more intellectual people, who have drive, who want to do things and are smart. The people here are all my friends...but the same old HS crap, but at bars. I feel like I really do need to go to some sort of program, because I use a lot. And I have the money to do so; I could go tomorrow if I felt like it. But what will everyone else think? What will my parents think?

What do I say to my employers? I know I'll have the job when I get back because they want me; but it's just explaining it.

It seems like I have it all, I grew up in a nice suburb with loving parents (perhaps too lax...I did whatever I wanted in HS as long as I was a "good kid" with grades/extra activities) and on one hand, I have everything and I shouldn't be complaining given what others go through. I always did drugs in HS, but always did well and got into good schools...so why stop? I guess it's the pressure to succeed and be "perfect" that led me to it....that and I had the money to blow on whatever i needed.

But man do I hate myself and it feels like I have nothing. Not all the time, and my psychatrist is helping me with that....I'm going to discuss going to rehab the next time I see him.

What do I do?

Thanks! - cakid
cakid
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Re: what do i do?

Unread postby Christoph » Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:06 pm

Find a counselor you are comfortable with. You are articulate and having a therapist/counselor in conjunction with a psychiatrist that can help you manage medications is wise. I recommend reading some literature to help you re-frame how you think about your life and relationship with the substances that are preventing you from reaching your greater goals. Books like "Believable Hope" by Michael Cunningham, as well as the classic recovery texts help. Dr. Norman Vincent Peales' books, especially "The Power of Positive Thinking" are great. Texts on Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Psycho-Cybernetics have helped some people. Also, learning new coping skills is vitally important - relaxing, meditating, prayer even.

Good luck!
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