i need a listening ear and some thoughtful advice

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i need a listening ear and some thoughtful advice

Unread postby cantsay » Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:50 pm

My husband is an alcohol/cocaine addict, we have been married for just over a year, and there have been way too many problems to count. Alot of times, he just takes off, and leaves me at home with our 14 month old son. When he comes home - usually when he is coming down - I am miserable. He sits there and twitches, won't talk, and there are just so many signs that doesn't even have to say anything, I just know. He was almost a year sober when we got married, I thought it was clear sailing. I keep threatening to leave, but I am a stay at home mom - no source of income - and I don't even have a GED. My husband won't allow me to go to school or work because he wants to me to be a stay at home mom. We just moved into my dream home, and everything has gone wrong. The downstairs flooded, our new couch came complete with a broken leg, and we've been here for almost a month, and alot of our stuff is still at our old apt. So he says everything stresses him out so much he goes off and does his thing to relax. Even when everything is right he leaves!! This Easter that just passed we went to his parents house and did an egg hunt, and games, and just had sooo much fun as a family. After that, he dropped my son and I off at home (saying he was gonna take our washer and dryer back to best buy cause improper installation was why our downstairs was flooded). Instead, he goes out buy his stuff, sniffs it on the way home, and acts like he didn't do anything wrong. I am miserable, and I worry about what my son is seeing. My husband has taken off when the baby needed formula, when he had a fever, and when I've been sick. It just seems like he doesn't care. Then he tries to find something to pin on me. He speaks to me like I'm nothing, tells me to leave, and I just get hysterical. I love him with my whole heart, but really how many chances can I give him? Is this a lost cause, or can he make a change for himself, me, and our son?

I really need a reply

Unread postby cantsay » Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:09 pm

Well, I was hoping to get a response but I guess I didn't. I wish someone could just tell me what to do. My husband was good, for the first time in a while yesterday, but things still don't feel right. I don't know if I can continue to be with him, there is soooo much hurt there. I love him, I mean truly love him. I do believe that there is one soul mate out there for everyone, and I believe he is mine. When he is sober, I couldn't ask for anything better, because nothing can compare to him. I feel so betrayed that he would rather go do drugs and hang out with his old buddies from highschool than be at home with his son and wife. I feel like the drug will always come first, and the kid and I are just somewhere down the line. Every day I wake up, and I pray that when he leaves for work in the morning, that he comes home at the end of the night. Most of the time, he doesn't even show. He just lies and lies, until I figure it out somehow like I always do. Then he won't answer his phone or he turns it off. I think that's what hurts the most. Is that he cuts off contact with his son and me so he can have his fun. What if something were to happen? He just wouldn't be there. It has been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster, and I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs for him to stop and he would. He acts like he doesn't care how I think or feel, and I'm getting really tired of feeling like I'm nothing and being depressed all the time. On top of all of it, I know my son sees what is going on. He sees dadda twitching and mommy in the corner crying her eyes out. I really feel like I'm in a helpless situation, but for some reason I can't just let go. What is wrong with me?

Unread postby Guest » Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:59 pm

Hey cantsay, what you describe is typical of an addict. There's nothing you can do or say that's gonna change his attitude. When he's ready to quit, he'll do whatever is necessary. In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself and your son. Go to Alanon meetings, talk to your doctor, talk to your family, move out if you can. The good news is that you can control what's going on in YOUR life. So protect your sanity, protect your son's sanity.

if u love him

Unread postby ernie » Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:51 pm

if u love him like you say...you must find the courage to help yourself. If you stay so isolated you will be hurt more and more. You need to have an outlet to express yourself- counselor, live (in-person) al-anon meeting or a social worker to help you. you sound like you are quite young too - get some help for yourself. There is a better chance of him hitting a low point and getting sober again if you are strong in your opposition! I know lots of families who are still together and love each other even more now that the family members took a strong stand against the substance abuse. Your wonderful hsband IS in there! This is all the disease of substance abuse (that wretched, miserable #@** disease) that is causing this world of hurt! I will pray for u!


Unread postby mer00 » Tue Apr 24, 2007 7:32 am

Hi , you are not alone , i ma going through the same , for a second time , my ex was an a , my new boyfriend is an a , the diffrence is that he accepts it , and I ma accepting it too , i need help too , I am going to alanon on line , and will start to go to f2f meetings too , keep posting keep asking , do you beleve in god , ? if you do , get on your knees and pray , tqake care of your self , do n ot isolate your self , go to meetings , thinking of you!

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