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New To Recovery, New To Philly, New to Rekindling

Unread postby TTBalt » Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:11 pm

Hi,

My name is T, and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.

I have been in Philly for close to five months, all of them clean from coke.

I came here on the spur of the moment because I was in a nice neighborhood in Baltimore, living in a terrible situation. I was the victim of domestic violence three times in as many years after losing my spouse in 2008. I went to jail for 10 months (in active addiction) due to allowing myself to be victimized and turning the tables in the situation. I was 40 years old and had never been in trouble before in my life. It was a situation where it was me or her, and there wasn't going to be a phone call to my sons that their mom was dead because I was a victim under any circumstance.

Fast forward 2 years, I'm in a situation where there's get highs all around. I'm gainfully employed (telecommuting 10 years). Drugs in and out. Sleeping on a 'boyfriend's' couch. He slapped me across the face and I called my dearest friend who swooped in and grabbed me out of the situation. I refused to be victimized. I realized that my addiction was placing me in situations where I was an easy target, and I had had ENOUGH!!.

Here I am now five months later. Clean and mostly sober (still drink beer and smoke cigarettes), but I feel I am jeopardizing my friend's sobriety because he CANNOT drink and I'm living here and imbibing.

I really need to get a handle on my addiction as I preempted crack addiction by moving away from the situation that created an ease of use and people who were giving it away like candy.

I have never been a prostitute; always an alcoholic. I have never been dependent on anyone; always a business owner and provider for my family. I have never been a freeloader; always been independent. I HAVE ALWAYS, AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER MY SHORT 43 YEARS ON THIS EARTH, AN ALCOHOLIC. I really need to get help!!

I have a great support system and still have issues from childhood haunting me that leads me to continue indulging in alcoholism, even if it is scaled down--it's still bad for me and those who love me dearly. Mostly, it's bad for my health and it's bad for ME. I'm not interested in changing for anyone other than ME as I owe it to myself to live for once in my adult life drug, alcohol and tobacco free forever. BTW: During my bad times with alcohol, I was drinking a fifth of hard liquor often enough. I started using cocaine to rid myself of alcohol addiction and remained off the alcohol for four years. I started suffering blackouts for the first time when I resumed alcohol 8 years ago. I have not much tolerance and get into blackout situations after small amounts.

Anyone have any suggestions? BTW: I have insurance I could check-in.
TTBalt
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