by artsunshine11 » Wed Aug 21, 2013 6:34 am
I, unfortunately, have two sons addicted to heroin. I have made many mistakes with my sons: mainly being an enabler. Until I spoke to great counselors: the counselors who have been drug addicts themselves and have turned their lives around. My husband and I were always the pillow between their "butt" and the ground. We kicked our one son out (the other son is in rehab again for the 3rd or 4th time). The one son we told could not come home to live (he was 23 at the time) was bitter, was clean for one year & is back on drugs. He has stolen from us, the other son was totally functional 90% of the time, and both have cost us much money. Everytime my son comes home to visit, he gets high: there are too many triggers. The only thing that has helped me are the Al Anon meetings and the Al Anon literature you can get from these meetings. I really have to start them up again. I am going to one this AM, after not going for a year (I have only been to about 6 and could kick myself for not going weekly.)
Both my sons, especially the one, are very manipulative. When they are in active addiction, it is a common theme for any addict to lie and manipulate. They will say anything to get back to their "old life" as they don't have the stress of problem solving and changing. It is a very complicated disease: one that the addict has to change his life. We have tried to "control" them i.e. threatening them with rehab, telling them they have to go to meetings or else, & that we will randomly drug test them.... but in the end if the lightbulb doesn't go off in their head, it is 100% useless to try to control. My one son had it all: a beautiful fiance, a good job, a car: he has nothing now. They will promise you the world to get back into their old life. They both left rehab early stating there were court appointed people there, bad people, drugs, etc etc. Well, there are drugs everywhere and they used these excuses to get out of rehab and start using again. It is a disease, classified in the DSM V Manual right there with cancer, diabetes, etc. It is something they have to be aware of every single day. A parent needs to see that his child is clean & sober for a long time: not living in the house. This was told to me by the counselors as a major step backward toward recovery. We are living proof with our two sons: both came back home to "jump start their life" as they said and ended up falling back into old patterns of using. Until they are sober for "years" and have proved themselves: I will always love them, but will not enable or support their habit.
Your last sentence says it all....from my experience both my sons left rehab early basically saying: this is not for me, I can control it, it's easy to kick the habit. It was an easy way out. My father always said: "The right thing to do, is usually the hardest thing to do in life." So true. Try Al Anon the meetings are everywhere and it does help. Good luck !!