I am extemely new to this site and also to recovery...I can not even consider stateing recovery just yet since I am currently having a beer. I searched alcholism and then AA meetings in my area which in turn led me to this site. First it was via mobile which I was struggling with and in my defense I struggle with mobile internet even while sober lol. I have known for quite sometime I have a problem with alcohol and honestly don't know how I will stop being is I have tried yet my live in companion drinks on a daily basis and is no help in the situation yet, loves to blame every problem in our relationship on me...smh. When I go through my spells of trying not to drink he continues to drink we still have problems because drinking is not the only problem so I use the excuse we have issues and if there are going to be problems when I'm not drinking than f it may as well have a drink and and the worst part I am only person hurting myself & my babies...ugh...and the best part no matter what he will always blame it all on me... I really hope that I will be able to focus on getting myslef better. I have three beautiful children 20, 17, and 3. The two oldest use to love and respect me and as of late I know they love me but, respect is dwindling. The 3 year old don't know any better yet I can tell he has been suffering the lifestyle he is forced to live is so different than the lifestyle the oldest had to live. I have lost so many loved ones over the years some old and some young and to be honest I more or less have become numb to death. I am not sure where to go from here...yes I know where I can go to a meeting and I am not sure how I feel about it going it alone. I am very scared and ashamed and not sure what this will do to my relationship either. I have many mixed emotions and don't know where to start. The meeting in my area that I am most interested in due to location, day, and time is not til Monday so for now I have this site and tomorrow I plan to run it all by someone close to me yet... where I know they will say I am making a good choice in going I don't think I will have them there to help walk me through the process
Well, I will have to check in later. The other half will be getting up for work in a few and I don't have much time for sleep either. Have to get up and work and take care of my youngest at the same time. Work from home advantages and disadvantages... :'(