Well, here I am again. Day 1

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Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby crystal » Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:18 pm

One would think at thirty-six, that life would be figured out and running smoothly with my plans. Sadly, that has not been the case for me. Found myself completely out of control last night, and have spent all day pondering the life choices that I have been making. What makes this even more frustrating to me is that I know better. Ten years ago, I had a small stint with AA, so I know how much smoother life runs for me when I admit that I have a problem and abstain all together. I have not drank that entire ten years completely away, I did abstain for a while when my little one was younger, but as she becomes more and more independent, I find myself turning back to the bottle. At an alarming pace, and it is time to get my crap together. I should not have to spend the day wondering what I did last night, how I behaved, what people may think of me.
I've made it through the day pretty well, and that is with alcohol in the house right now. I should probably really go dump it while my resolve is high.
Of course the sour stomach isn't hurting the resolve at all. If anything it's building it. The human body is just not meant to take that kind of abuse.
My kid deserves a better parent. Because of my drinking, I am over indulgent with her to try to compensate for my shortcomings. This is not helping her, or me.
I am bankrupting myself to fund my drinking. This is also unacceptable. I work two jobs and own my own business, there is no reason I should ever be broke. It is just truly not in our budget for me to drink.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I know that perhaps someone out there will read this and say, OMG, this sounds like me and will seek out the plan of treatment that works best for them.
crystal
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Re: Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby Mtwendrinkin » Wed Aug 28, 2013 5:47 pm

Omg- you sound just like me except I am 52 and have a son ! I am filled with tears right now to have found someone so much the same as me! I too am on day 1 and cannot remember much about last night. My son told me today he hates when I drink and I know how much guts it must have taken him to speak those words aloud to my face. He has to leave the house because he can't stand to be around me. I also spent ten years sober and active in AA and I looked and felt the best I ever had in my life. I'm looking for a meeting near home for tomorrow but I'm scared and nervous. I live in a small town and I am so ashamed. But I have probably embarrassed myself more with my drunken behavior around friends and neighbors. Thank you for you posting and keep in touch. God bless
Mtwendrinkin
 

Re: Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby Guest » Sun Sep 01, 2013 2:57 pm

I am 34 with an 8 yr old daughter. My story is just like yours. It is hard for me to believe the path I have chosen. I hope and pray I can stop the destruction.
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Re: Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby Guest » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:04 am

Thank you for posting this.
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Re: Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby Shellbell66 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:02 pm

I can very much relate and it sounds like we are all in the sam e boat but we can help each other too!!! Today is my first day again but I will keep trying and hope the days keep going!!
Shellbell66
 

Re: Well, here I am again. Day 1

Unread postby ashamed » Wed Oct 09, 2013 5:53 pm

Thank you so much for posting this. I am 44 and have never been to AA. Drinking was not a problem for me until a couple of years ago. I don't know what happened or why it went out of control. But my husband died of alcoholism at the age of 38 so you'd think I would know better. Why do I do this? Why do people do this? I don't understand. I want to become the person I used to be, to regain control over my life and be happy again.
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