holidays are moving in.....

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holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:32 pm

day 13- halloween
Some people dont consider this a holiday, i suppose i do! It was always a great excuse to drink and drink! But realistically i suppose a drunk can find any kind of excuse to booze it up! I know you are supposed to take it one day at a time, I am trying to not jump around in my head and think about the holidays and wonder if i will give in....Its hard for it not to creep up in your head, and at the moment you think, I am not drinking , but like any other day we have no idea what will come of that day!!! I defenitly am a little scared of them approaching, but like they say just for today! And thus far today, I have not drank alcohol, of course i thought of it as i do everyday! Anyway i will try not to think of it so much and take it daily! I made it through halloween!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby MayReen » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:58 pm

I too love Halloween and this is the first year I did not enjoy some red wine in celebration. Going into the holiday season, is difficult when you are at parties and around others drinking, but I look at it this way. There is so much to enjoy being around family and friends during this time, I try to focus on the love I have for the people around me knowing that they will enjoy me more when I'm sober!! :roll:
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:23 am

day14
Even though it is technically the very beginning of day 15, i havent gone to sleep yet, therefore i consider it to be day 14 still! I made it.... I am just trying my best to do all the things i think will help me each day, And even though itsike posting things to myself i find it still helpful to come on at least once a day!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:49 pm

day 16
Today i found out bad news about an old friend, they had passed away friday..... it beought back memories of old times and gave me feelings i didnt care for! It also reminded me why i shouldnt drink and cant drink not that i even knew if this person died because of any substance abuse but i know their history so it wouldnt be odd or surprising if it was from a substance even if it was because of previous long term use! I feel sad for her family that they lost someone and bad for them that they had to leave this world at such an early age! They will keep safe in my heart always. I hope that their family is doing ok. Anyway, i thought i would have. strong urge to get wasted after hearing news of an old friend but it actually made me feel the opposite instead! I wished i would of kept in some sort of contact with them but i didnt. I suppose people come and go from our life for a reason sometimes we know why and sometimes we dont!!! May this person rest in peace and be with the people they love that has also left this part of the world! As for me im here today and have 16 days of not boozing it up. Its not many days but its a start And i am proud of myself and thats what matters! I will hope that i stay strong for the days to come, but know i will just focus first on tommorrow!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:00 pm

day 18

i made it through today!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Wed Nov 06, 2013 11:10 am

day19
I am trying to stay strong, i have a viewing tonight of an old friend! I know that my natural instinct will feel to go home and drink a little and then go...... today i dont want to do that! I want to keep the number 19 the number 19, i dont want to start it all over again, in fear of maybe not starting any number at all..... what a selfish disease! I know that this death gave me feelings that disturbed me in a way i can not explain! Feelings like i never wanted to touch a drink and also the opposite feelings of being numb! Yes i have not talked to this person in 5 years..... but it still is disturbing! I am not sure how they died really but they did! I do have faith in myself for this moment that i will be strong enough to resist temptation to drink before i go! I already have made of list of things to do before i go that dont involve alcohol! I am feeling horrible for the family! I wish i could say something that would make them feel ok, but there really is nothing i can say to make their situation any better!
i hope when i come back to these posts, it will either be day 19 still or day 20 or any day that isnt 1 or 0!!!!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Thu Nov 07, 2013 11:12 pm

day 20
The viewing was a viewing, sad but gave me the nicer memories i had with my friends more apparent then the ones that made me have uncomfirtable feelings......Those memories are really nice and ill treasure them always!
obviously i made it through yesterday without a drink, otherwise today would not have been day 20!

I have been thinking about stupid drinks and what i will do at parties like for instance my one friend talks about having game night, i worry about the alcohol there! The night isn't wven set up and may never be and im already worried about it!
Its weird the time i spend thinking of alcohol! maybe one day i wont! I find that hard to beileve but not impossible....
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:19 am

day 21
Technically it is the start of day 22 but since i have not gone to sleep yet it still is day 21!!!! I despertly wish it was saturday at 3 so i would be done work, (ha ha) i just really am not in the mood to work this week!!!!! Today after work i did miss taking a couple of swigs out of the old grand dad bottle ans chasing it with a beer ! I however did not miss trying to cover up the smell , hide any evidence of empties or whatever it is im hiding, lying about drinking or how much ive ' really' had,or the fight i have with myself of having another and actually beleiving it will be the last one when i know damn well when i start its never the last one...... at least 9 1/2 times out of 10 thats the it goes!! Sadly, it remains a consuming part of my life and yes i do miss the drink and that really annoys me for now! I am working on accepting that I may possibly think about alcohol for the rest of my life, ive thought about it all this time, I guess the difference is is that i thought about it and drank about it....
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:47 pm

day 22
usually when i know no one was going to be home for awhile i would plot out to drink a few and stop in time before you could smell the alcohol on me or look like i was drunk! ofcourse neither i would never stop in time! I must say tonight i was home alone and did not hit the bottle!!!! It feels good to have not and give my girlfriend a feeling that she could trust me when im alone! or start to a little anyway.... I did think about it ofcourse bit pushed the thought out of the way and kept myself busy! anyhoot thats all for me today i guess for now.....hope everyone is doing well out there...
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby lizadoo » Mon Nov 11, 2013 11:02 am

awesome job staying sober! :D
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Mon Nov 11, 2013 11:04 pm

day 24
i wasnt able to get on here on day 23 but i made it..... i am feeling thankful to be here today and able to do the things i can do! thanks to whomever!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:21 pm

day 25
i enjoy reading the different replies people have gotton from their posts, particularly AA! I have been in and out of AA since i was a young teen...... I am sure i wasnt that serious About much then or other times ( about drinking that is)! I am not very certain why i am in denial about going to AA but i am! I am determined to post things everyday or at least try for everyday and continue reading helpful books and giving myself reminders about why i really shouldnt drink! I am wondering if anyone out there made it not drinking and not going to AA! I onow if i dont make it this time, i promised myself to give AA another try! i am almost at 30 days of no booze, this will be the second longest i have not drank in 20 years the first time i had 29 days that was about 11 years Ago, the second j had about 4 monthes, that was about 2 yeArs ago, now i am working harder than before, ofcourse you can always work harder! I am just babbling now..... all i know is i made it today so far!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Wed Nov 13, 2013 8:56 pm

day 26
I hope all are doing well! I believe to be! I dont have many words to say at the moment, of course i felt like i did but sometimes all the thoughts just leave! But i am sure they will come back!
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Sun Nov 17, 2013 10:19 pm

day 30
I made it 30 days without drinking, now entertaining the thought of drinking that is a different story! does that ever go away?
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Re: holidays are moving in.....

Unread postby saucy » Mon Nov 18, 2013 10:47 pm

day 31
I just saw someone told me awesome job on staying sober! Sorry I missed, your post before, and thanks! if you are staying sober yourself or trying my congrats to you as well. Anyway, today I have easily slid by without a drink! some days are very easy and some not so much, i actually am afraid of the days that are so easy in a way because i think does that mean the hard days Are going to be extra hard?... but its just like everything else in our lives!some days are good and easy some are bad and hard! My daily reading today was a quote ( i cant remember from whom) it said " bite off more than you can chew, and then chew it."just thought id share that with anyone, sometimes a little quote or word can make ao much sense to us at any given moment!
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