My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

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My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby Lost_Husban » Fri Jul 06, 2012 10:07 am

A little back ground:
Married 15 years, good marriage. She is my best friend, my only confidente. We are both 45yo .
2 kids – 15yo son, 20 yo step daughter (hers) in collage
She has suffers from Bipolar depression her whole adult life and has been to many therapists
2 years ago she had bariatric surgery
Were both professional and my wife has 2+ master degrees in education (she is very smart, not only book smart, but wise)

Last August while taking my son to the doctors she had a break down at the doctors office and she was admitted to an acute physiatric care unit for 3 days. After they released her she went to intensive outpatient treatment, for a while but stopped going and started drinking again. IT spun out of control fast and attempted suicide (kind of, she took a bunch of effexor). She went to another facility for about a week which treats both, addition and physiatric. She got out, was good for a few months, but started drinking again and taking my son’s ADHE meds.

Fast forward to now…She was holding it together for awhile, but the last month or so her drinking was getting worse, up to 3 or bottles of wine a day. She’s a teacher and doesn’t work in the summer, so she has endless time and ends up drinking all day.

She realized she has a drinking problem, and signed up for am alcohol rehabilitation program at the local collage. The therapist said she had to be clean to participate, so she went into a detox facility for 5 days, but 3 days in, they recommended a 30 day rehab in Florida, they flew her down yesterday and has been admitted.
That’s where I am and I feel completely lost. She is my best friend and I don’t know what to do. I wonder around the house aimlessly not knowing what do. My daughter is fine, in and out of the out, but my son doesn’t have many friends so we do a lot of things together. I try to put a smile on my face and I want to do fun things with him, but I have zero motivation.
Does anyone else have any similar experiences. How did you cope. I'm completely lost
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Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby Guest » Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:44 am

Hi Lost Husband, we all have different stories, but I so understand that feeling of not knowing what to do, of feeling lost. You cannot do anything for your wife, but you can do something for yourself: get help (alanon meetings, seeing an addiction counselor, etc.), take care of your kids -- they should be part of the process because if you feel lost, they feel lost too. Talk to your doctor, seek help for you and your kids. You cannot control your wife and her disease, but you can control your life.
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Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby Hope-less » Mon Aug 27, 2012 1:17 pm

I know EXACTLY how you feel! My husband was recently admitted into a rehab facility "The Retreat" in Ephrata PA. He left last Thursday, after coming home from an awful in patient experience at "Lakeview Health" in Jacksonville Fla. Anyway - my husband is an opiate addict after being prescribed pain medications for months at a time due to a medical condidion that was mis-diagnosed three years ago. He has been gone (in total now) for two weeks and we never went more than a day not talking to eachother. We have been together 13 years, married 5 and have a 10 month old baby together. Now, I am home taking care of the house, our daughter, and working full time as usual, left to pick up the pieces of mess that he has left. I went to my first Naranon meeitng last week and almost laughed in my head at all of the stories being shared and how similar they were to mine. I feel like my life has underwent a complete 360 in the past three years, several times around, because of his drug use. He was NEVER one to use drugs, never even experimented before and our crowd of friends were all non-users. I feel so bad for him and how drugs have affected our life and changed our relationships. I dont know who to talk some friends and family tell me to leave him, that I shouldn't have to live a life of fear, lies and worries about relapse. I just wnat our old life back.
I feel so depressed, sad and lack energy to do anything. I dont want to be at work or DO anything. The only thing that makes me happy is our baby, but even then the burden of caring for her can be so hard. I have doubts this inpatient place will work and worry that things WON'T go back to our normal.
I just dont know what to do anymore...
Hope-less
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby hopelessly devoted » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:45 pm

Hey guys, I'm in a same situation, my fiance of 3 yrs is addicted to opiates, steals mine and never stops, drinks , breaks promises yada ya da, and I'm so lost, no insurance, N lost his job,we have kids, help!!!! What to do, I've tried it all, begging, caring, crying, praying, hateing, leaving, threatening...why won't he choose life......why won't he try, why is he so special in a sense and I have to take the fall and deal with it allow sober, please write me...nightjob77@Yahoo.com
hopelessly devoted
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby NJAmber » Sun Dec 30, 2012 10:30 am

My boyfriend of 3 years was admitted to in-patient 10 days ago. This is something he needs without a doubt but the utter dispare I feel every minute of the day without him is gut wrenching. I cry every day, I stopped eating, I barely sleep and I can't think clearly. I spent the first few days pacing my house then the next just sitting like a lump now I am doing what I need to be "normal" but it's just a mask. I have fears of when he gets home he will be changed... Thats the point of going, right? The change I fear is one of detachment, I'm so afraid in his clarity he will want to change everything in his life including me. I'm so filled with doubt, something I've never had with him, now I fear all the turmoil we have endured over the last 3 years and the torture of this experience of being apart will leave us split up. This is so irrational! I know it is because we have such a strong bond and love but this situation has me so flipped over I feel I'm going insane. I'm worried about him in there, if he is ok emotionally and is getting the help he needs mentally.. I'm worried all the time about when he comes home how do we move forward, what needs to be done in order to go forward without drinking. Do I really need to walk on eggshells around him because anything can trigger him, stress, anger, sadness or even celebration? My heart aches every minute and I want this to be over already, I need my love back home and the guilt I feel being selfish in my need for his comfort makes me even sicker because it's about his recovery and I should focus on that not my feelings but I'm a human being who expresses myself all the time, I believe it's how I've been able to ward off the addiction to drugs and alcohol, when I feel I speak rather than drown myself in escaping reality. So this is where I sit day after day crying writing in a journal to document this experience for him and make videos of the good the bad and the ugly because I want him to see the whole picture.... I have such high hopes for our future and I really hope we can make it through this in tact.. I hope I can make it through :(
NJAmber
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby JOEYYYYYY » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:58 pm

I feel very similar to you. My wife has been in rehab for 21 days at first she was calling every day saying how much she loves and misses me then I stopped hearing from her completely. then when I went up for visting days she was a little distant. I miss her so much through Chrsitmas, NYE and our sons birthday. I want this nightmare to be over I want to hold me wife again. I have lots of irrational fears like she will decise to leave me when in rehab or that her heart has changed. All the books I have read say it is there time. I know it is her time.
JOEYYYYYY
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby CD5 » Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:41 am

So I'm in a very similiar boat. My husband and I have been married for 7.5 years and we have three beautiful boys. He has always had issues with alcohol, but it has progressively gotten worse. The ironic part of it is I am a bartender, but I can honestly say I have never seen someone react to alcohol the way my husband does. A couple drinks and everything about him changes. He has gotten sober for a few months at a time, tried AA, done that whole thing, but nothing has worked. He is entering Father Martins Ashley, a private 28 day program in Maryland on Monday. I am so heart broken that it has come to this, but I actually feel somewhat hopeful that being away from everyday stress and concentrating only on his recovery may actually work. It was either he do this or I leave him. I am glad he made this choice. I find that I am having severe anxuety about him leaving and about what will happen when he returns. What if he hates me for making him go or what if he finds I am not what he wants when he returns. Our oldest is 7 and will undestand more than his brothers, ages 3 and 20 months, and I worry about his well being too. Has anyone else been in this position before and do you have any pointers. I know everyone's situation is different, but any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
CD5
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby guest » Wed Oct 23, 2013 9:40 pm

I have been suspecting my wife has a drinking problem, I would come home from work and she would drunk when I got home from work, one day i came home for lunch and I noticed she had been drinking and was drunk , I confronted her and she told me it was work and ask her if she had a drinking problem, I told her to quit if the job is doing this to her. She almost did quit as we had a conversation i thought things were getting better and then I come home from work and she is intoxicated again apparently she has been stashing bottle of wine ,liquer and beer. I started checking the refrigerator and all around the house, for bottles of alcohol. Again confronted her about it , Im not sure what to do anymore nothing is getting done around the house , im finding bottles in the car ,in her closet . Im tired of coming home to a woman who drunk. My wife is very intellegent , going to school for her masters and is a critical care nurse and I do not see her drinking on the job but when she is home forget it. She will drink anything wine beer whiskey. I confronted her 3 times in the last the couple month. What do I do? I told she has to get help but she has to want to do it?, I would support her and we can deal with it togehter. Not sure what else to do? any suggestions ?
guest
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby Seeking Sanity » Tue Nov 19, 2013 8:31 pm

In my situation I too tried multiple confrontations that resulted in multiple denials. He didnt even consider help until he had a seizure. It was at this point that I finally shared some of this burden with close family and friends and I wish I had done it earlier. He is still struggling though even after rehab...no fairy tale ending. He has not figured out for himself yet that sobriety is choosing life and thats not something I can make him see. Believe me im finally coming to grips with that as difficult as it is and as desperately sad as it makes me.
Seeking Sanity
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby bemindful » Sun Dec 08, 2013 1:56 am

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. I know it is very very hard. I was, several years ago, where your wife is. Actually it was two years and four months ago. I too would hide alcohol, I too am educated and smart and independent, etc. We do not drink as a result of education or lack of. We don't drink because we are smart or not smart. We drink because we are alcoholics and it is a very very hard thing to understand for non-alcoholics. I know that your wife did not wake up one day and decide that she not only wanted to harm her life, but also harm yours and your family's life. You sound like a very kind and loving husband. She is lucky to have you. I was in a relationship when I went through my 'bottom' and he did leave me. I understand why he did. I also know that since i have become sober he is having regrets, but there is too much behind us. The whole thing makes him sad and I still feel sorry that he had to watch me go down. But guess what? I also am SO VERY grateful for the experience (well...particularly that the bad parts are in the past:) Why am I grateful? Because now I know how to love. I know how to have gratitude and humility and love for myself and others. Again, this is hard to understand if you have not been through it. But trust me, and person in true recovery is a grateful person.
If your wife can make it, if there is a support network for her when she leaves the treatment center and she can make dramatic changes in her life (she will HAVE to make many changes), then you and she will have a life better than before.
AA will be necessary. If she, down the road, does not 'jive' with AA, she will need another support system. AA is mine. If you can have patience and work hard along with her, you both can enjoy the graces that come along with the journey.
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naranon in ephrata, any others in Pa.?

Unread postby skinnyshinny95 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 5:22 pm

Hello everyone! I'm interested in attending NarAnon meetings or starting one in North East Pa. I don't know of any around me. I'm about an hour north and west of Scranton and Wilkes-Barre. Does anyone have any information to share? I would really appreciate it.
I currently attend Alanon regularly and it's great, and am curious of the benefits of naranon for families of addicts.
Thanks, and hang in there.....this disease is rough on everyone.
skinnyshinny95
 

Re: My wife just admitted to rehab

Unread postby Needhelp89 » Wed Nov 11, 2015 11:23 pm

Im in the same boat my wife's mother sent her away to a rehab I don't know what rehab or if she is even ok, we had made oppointments to get her some help from a doctor and for her addictions drugs and metal help she was all for it and went with me to sign her up but went to tell her mother she was going to be going to classes to get help she blackmailed her to sign over her kids and car I bought her and to sleep in her car Saying she wouldn't give the children back unless she stopped seeing me, she later called me saying she was sleeping In her car so I went and got her said I don't care about the car she could have it I would buy her a new one so she left it and the next day her mother called and said she would pick her up to go get the car so she went with her and she was gone for days and eventually able to call to say she wasn't able to call or text me anymore that she loved me.then I got a text from her phone saying her she was working with her mother to make some money to pay her phone bill and she was going to help her get her kids back from the baby's daddy iv been with her 7 years and brought up all three kids from 6 months old and have worked the whole time and she was taking medication for back pains from a car crash, depression and would drink daily and using when around her family so I would keep her way from them as much as I could till they stated coming over when I was working and would come home to her at her sisters already drunk tI'll she went missing on me till she texted me saying she loves me and misses me so I went looking for her and I went to her family's house to ask where she was but got nothing they would just yell at the top of her lungs to leave, mother, sisters house even her step dads house they wouldn't tell me where she was or if she was even ok, we have a vary close relationship and she would tell me everything and I told her never put me befor her kids and I would never ask her to put me first so she said she wanted her to get clean of everything and I said I was fine with her in a rehab to get better I'm not dependent on anything but can't find any info on her where abouts or if she was ok she was vary suicidel with out her depression medication and her family didn't know she was taking anything she left with only her ID didn't take anything not even her purse or toothbrush, how would I find out anything iv been in contact with the police looking for her CPS for the kids to make sure they are ok but I get no where does anyone know where I could look to get help or find anything out I'm super lost at this point? I miss her but got no where to turn for help?
Needhelp89
 

Re: My wife just admitted to 30 day rehab

Unread postby cbjr » Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:27 pm

Hope-less wrote:
> I know EXACTLY how you feel! My husband was recently admitted into a rehab
> facility "The Retreat" in Ephrata PA. He left last Thursday,
> after coming home from an awful in patient experience at "Lakeview
> Health" in Jacksonville Fla. Anyway - my husband is an opiate addict
> after being prescribed pain medications for months at a time due to a
> medical condidion that was mis-diagnosed three years ago. He has been gone
> (in total now) for two weeks and we never went more than a day not talking
> to eachother. We have been together 13 years, married 5 and have a 10 month
> old baby together. Now, I am home taking care of the house, our daughter,
> and working full time as usual, left to pick up the pieces of mess that he
> has left. I went to my first Naranon meeitng last week and almost laughed
> in my head at all of the stories being shared and how similar they were to
> mine. I feel like my life has underwent a complete 360 in the past three
> years, several times around, because of his drug use. He was NEVER one to
> use drugs, never even experimented before and our crowd of friends were all
> non-users. I feel so bad for him and how drugs have affected our life and
> changed our relationships. I dont know who to talk some friends and family
> tell me to leave him, that I shouldn't have to live a life of fear, lies
> and worries about relapse. I just wnat our old life back.
> I feel so depressed, sad and lack energy to do anything. I dont want to be
> at work or DO anything. The only thing that makes me happy is our baby, but
> even then the burden of caring for her can be so hard. I have doubts this
> inpatient place will work and worry that things WON'T go back to our
> normal.
> I just dont know what to do anymore...
My wife went to the Retreat on the 16th, how do you feel about the lack of family involvment? I wasn't told of the no visit policy and the phone calls being on speaker with the therapist till she was there a week.
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