My wife is in AA and thinks i don't understand AA

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My wife is in AA and thinks i don't understand AA

Unread postby cgr1022 » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:29 pm

My wife has been in AA for about two years. She's doing great in the program and she's a sponsor for another person. I was the one that took her to her first meeting and haven't been sense. We also have three kids and the youngest 15 months. So hard for me to attend her functions at AA because we don't have a sitter. She tells me that i use the baby as a excuse for not going. Though she doesn't want to take the baby to the meetings or functions. So she stopped asking me and started resenting for it. Now we at the verge of seperation and i don't want that. I also asked her if i could go with her after she told me how she felt and she tells me the only reason i want to go so we don't get a divorce. I want to be there for her though she won't let me. I don't what to do?

Re: My wife is in AA and thinks i don't understand AA

Unread postby kaymo » Sat Dec 29, 2012 5:49 pm

I think you should get a sitter and attend the meetings anyway. Keep showing up until she sees that you want to support her and her accomplishments.

Re: My wife is in AA and thinks i don't understand AA

Unread postby bemindful » Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:14 am

Well, going with you wife to an AA meeting in order to avoid a divorce sounds like a pretty damn reason to go to a meeting! I think that is okay. I go to AA. I am in sobriety, etc. Myself.....well, I am okay with going alone and not with my partner. Are YOU an alcoholic? If not, then I am not sure why she wants you to go so bad. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that for her, AA is a very very important part of her life and she would like to share that with you. Why she is being so mercurial about it is another thing. She may be having a 'dry drunk' spell with the resentments and all (you can look up 'dry drunk' if you need to. We alcoholics have those moments).
So, get a sitter and go to a couple of meetings with her! Tell her fact, yes! you want to avoid a divorce! and yes you want to see this that is so important in her life. And it is an alcoholic, AA is a wonderful thing in their life.
When I was trying to get sober, my partner had no interest in AA. He said that either I was drinking all of the time or talking about AA all of the time. Meanwhile he drank, but that is another story. He had not interest. I don't think I could have lived with someone who wasn't at least marginally interested.
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Re: My wife is in AA and thinks i don't understand AA

Unread postby louiseasis » Thu Jan 23, 2014 2:04 am

I suggest going to an Al Anon meeting when your wife can babysit. As an active member of both AA and Al Anon. I find that family can benefit from the meetings that are focused on their own issues. Don't give up but realize that this is about both of you, as individuals. This was an important distinction in my recovery.
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