by DeanBean7 » Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:23 am
I am an alcohlic, and drug addict. I have 2 childern 12 and 15. They always knew their mother as a crazy & drunk. They didnt know about the drugs. I have been drinking & do drugs for 21 years. I have been off drugs for 7 months and i havent had a drink in 3 weeks. Before that I only stopped drinking and drugs while I was pregnant. One thing at a time one day at a time. 2 years ago i wanted to be clean so bad. I lost evrything - EVEN though I was a a fuctioning addict. I was working, cooking, cleaning and tryn my best to juggle drinking and doing drugs around my busy day. I thought, I was TOO good to go to AA &I wasnt a bad addict just a hard working person that desrved party favors and drinks. I HAD a huge house, nice cars, lived in an upper - middle class area. I could never go to a meeting what if someone saw me there? I had an image to up hold. Well I have only been to 2 AA meetings so far. They make me laugh and let me know its going to be ok, if I do what I am doing now. I use to wish I was dead, well in the last few weeks i never thought about wishing for death. I never felt so good about something. I LOVE DRINKING!!!! I still cant see myself never having a drink, but I know I dont wanna drink. BUT I LOVE IT SOOOOOOO MUCH. Then I think of my kids. All their life they knew me as a drunk, I never hide it. I loved it, it was my buddy, my partner in crime. My kids tell me they love me everyday, even thou I was a nasty pig!!!! I never want that monster to come out again. I know that 1st drink will release that it. I am powerless to alcohol. I hated myself - my life, but I can CHANGE, I WANT TO CHANGE. I love my childern, my husband, my mom, my siters, my brother, my nieces, my newphews, my friends. I wanna be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend. That 1st drink will never allow me to be good.