Dating in Sobriety.

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Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby Guest » Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:34 pm

When I first got sober, it was suggested that I did not make any serious life changes within the first year. The biggest things that was advised against was getting into a relationsip within the first year. My sponsor actually made that a mandatory thing that I had to commit to in order to work with her. I was totally fine with that, until I met someone. I was about 5 months sober, and it was my best friends brother. He had just moved back to town and we hit it off. While he wasnt sober, he did not drink, and admitted right away that he smoked pot occasionally. Long story short, we got together and it didnt work out. I came out of the relationship pretty unscathed, just learned my lesson that it wasnt the right time. A few weeks before my 1 year was up, I met someone else. Again, not in the program, and not sober. He didnt smoke pot, or do any other drugs, which I thought was an improvement over my last relationship. Turns out, he drank more than a little, and by the time this relationship ended I was pretty broken, and almost relapsed more than once. It ended in April, and I decided not to get into another relationship for a long time.
And then I met someone. He is 18 months sober,Im looking at 17 months on July 4th. Most of those 18 months he spent in prison, but he is now about to complete treatment. We met at a meeting, and there was instant chemistry, although I tried not to even look at him, just knowing how I am when it comes to men. We've ran into eachother at several meetings in the past few weeks and we exchanged numbers tonight. Although I still dont know him that well, I know I am interested. Very. I am extremely hesitant because of what I just went through with my ex, and mostly because he is 34 and I am 21. I have always been attracted to older men and never dated someone my own age. But Ive also never dated someone who was more than 10 years older than me. I am pretty mature for my age and have been told I have an old soul, but the age gap is huge. I feel like at this point, I can definetly put the brakes on these feelings Ive developed, and we could possibly become friends. Im curious, does anyone have experience with age differences in relationships, in sobriety? If you could please share, Im really looking for some advice and would love to hear your experiences.

Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby SimoneMorris » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:08 pm

Some of us really loves to go our and date. However you must be careful also especially if you are going to meet strangers for a date.
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Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby mazzy » Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:58 pm

i've never managed to date since i got sober - it breaks my heart because i am a loving person, but i'm scared of never being able to connect with another person like that again.

i reflect on it sometimes and i think it's to do with the threat to my sense of self-control. it kills me.

Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby pearlofgod50 » Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:41 am

Here's the deal-- I've been sober a L-O-N-G time. So I'll share something w/ you. As w/ most younger people, I'm just gonna' go ahead and assume you'll poo-poo this. HOWEVER-- I'll give it a try. And besides, who the he__ am I to ASSUME anything about anybody!!?? As a young woman myself(at one time) I know; am familiar with, that perfect "RUSH" of being intrigued by a "bad boy" can make us feel!!! YUMMY!! WAHOO!!!!! Honey, I felt it from my head to my toes, and EVERYWHERE else; if you get my drift!!!!(wink. wink.) Well, to make a long story short, we only choose people we feel we deserve in our life's. If we feel unloveable, we WILL choose the WORST person possible. I'm serious. We could be put into a room of 300 people, and, trust me, we WILL pick the most inappropriate, nastiest, unemployed, booze-swilling, dope taking, pill poppin'-dysfunctional, ABUSIVE, jackass!!!! They don't even have to open their mouth, and BANG---- we make a bee--line right to them!! That should tell us something. You know-- like-- gee, maybe I better look at why I have such low self-esteem, self-loathing, and a general lack of self love. I know this after YEARS of therapy, self-help seminars, prayer, and deep introspection work. Why so long? Because I was stubborn. Because I had a huge EGO!! BLAH-BLAH-BLAH!!!!!!!!!! Good luck, honey. I say this w/ much love and respect. Don't do like me---- It took a stroke--- kidney cancer-- 2 near death expieriances--SEVERAL beatings--- countless hours of enduring verbal abuse, BEFORE I got the truth of my life-- I AM----- I AM------I AM----------WORTHY of ALL THE LOVE MY HEART CAN HANDLE AND MY HANDS CAN HOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO DO YOU.

Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby Goodfellanj » Thu Oct 11, 2012 3:25 pm

Hello new this site but sober for 25 years, Iam recently divorced in 2011. All i can say it been a rollercoaster of a ride. I will offer a warning to those who use the free date site Plenty of It is good site but shop carefully both to men and women . It is best to read ,chat and talk a good long while before meeting. Both the men and the women are sometimes not so honest about their situations. Caution and common sence should be the rule of thumb for both sexes. If your sober it is way more inportant to love yourself first. Most men and women are from damaged and sick relationships. The odds of meeting a complete whole and emotionally healthy partner is possible. Although everyone at a certain age comes with baggage. There are no perfect Barbies or Kens out in the sand box.
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Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby trailblazer » Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:48 pm

I dated a young lady in the program about 15 yrs. ago. That didn't work out, but it has been suggested that I date a woman in the program again. Similar life situation, same values, etc. I have been sober a while and still remain very focused on staying sober. I would be glad to talk to anyone and listen to your views/suggestions.
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Re: Dating in Sobriety.

Unread postby river » Sun Nov 02, 2014 10:07 pm

I feel it is very hard to be with someone who is drinking and when I am trying to remain sober. I can last a few hours at a party or get together and come out of it feeling pretty good because I am sober, but in the end the intense craving comes back and I may have my own private night cap at the end of the night secretly (which I hate myself for). My husband still drinks and has his beer meister ready to go. He knows I am struggling and doesn't like it (says I am disgusting) when I drink too much but he is having his fair share of too many beers too.. I feel like drinking and hanging out was our only hobby and now that this is gone, so is the marriage of 25 years. I am just pulled in two directions - one that wants to be clear, strong and sober and one that wants companionship, the alcohol buzz and the escape and relief from the every day stressors. I wish I was stronger.
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