How can I help my wife?

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How can I help my wife?

Unread postby Ross-David » Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:13 am

My wife drinks every night and has done so for the past several years. We've been married for 2 years and I have tried to talk to her about it but she just dismisses it as something that "everyone does". It changes her mood and makes her irrational, angry, emotional, and difficult to deal with. It seems we have arguments about silly little things every night that blow up as she gets so upset despite my attempts to be calm and supportive. I have learned not to try to even talk to her after she has had several drinks. This morning (after a particularly bad night) I told her I would get some advice about how to help her with her drinking problem. She had a melt-down and blamed me for her problems, telling me we just need to spend more alone-time together. I would like her to get help but first I have to convince her that she really does have a problem. It seems many people have written in these forums that alcoholics can't be helped until they are ready to do so. I would like to help her take that first step. How can I do that?
Ross-David
 

Re: How can I help my wife?

Unread postby connie1 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 10:32 am

dear RD, my jaw dropped after reading you post because it I just signed up and yours was the 1st I opened .It was as if I had written it - word for word. I wish I could reach out to you in a way that expresses my concern and compassion for the painful situation you are living with. I could write volumes about the hell that has been my marriage/life. I struggle with HOW all the rehabs ,dr.'s , programs, churches, prayer , money and time invested could all be in vain? There is SO much to share in this little box. Sadly, the truth is the names/ faces change BUT the tragic life stories all seem to be the same.
I am married 26 yrs. (which is beyond hard to believe ) Tragically nothing much has changed about my life with an addict/alcoholic. A recent experience pushed things way too far , and 911 was called .I vowed it was over and to NOT allow him back in our home. But, the usual litany of regrets/apologies/promises etc. (all manipulation tactics) broke me down and he returned after only 4 dys.Tragically, my family was here and having them witness this outrageous behavior was beyond embarrassing and humiliating for me. My amazing efforts to keep the ongoing circumstances of our lives concealed from them has been very hard over the yrs. and has isolated me terribly.
I have to see his arrest as a huge turning point in my life and marriage which is in serious crisis .I am too stubborn and determined to let the addiction win. I made an appt. this morning with a counselor . Deja Vu. I will tell him about it tonight when he gets home.Always praying for restoration and healing in our marriage .Now its critical , and life has to change .I am a cancer survivor and cannot allow whats left of my life to be lived in this hell.I will pray for you and your wife.
I don't even know how this web site /forum works ? I have never done this before but hope we can be there for each other .
connie1
 

Re: How can I help my wife?

Unread postby crystal2 » Sun Aug 02, 2015 5:29 am

The only thing you can do is be supportive and wait until she is ready. It sounds like she has not admitted that she is powerless over alcohol. Go to an Al-Anon meeting and let her know you are going.
Only talk to her about it when she has not been drinking.
Tell her you love her and you will do ANYTHING to support her in getting sober.
crystal2
 


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