No-one believes me.

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No-one believes me.

Unread postby Ellie » Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:12 am

By no-one, i mean my husband. I've always been honest about it with him. How can I help him understand that a) I am an alcoholic and b) his denial of the fact is only fuelling the problem?
I am on day 6 of not drinking after a HUGE fight with him - our first and only fight. It happened because I was drunk and that demon within me let out that i was upset and angry with him for not believing me about my addiction.

While i'm on day 6, the response i now get is: you're not an alcoholic, you're tee-total - so it's not a problem any more is it.
He doesn't believe I have guilt about drinking the next day - every day.
Or that it's not ok to have people that drink and booze in the house and not drink with them to be supportive.
I can't work out whether he just wont - or can't - accept it.

Should i book a joint counselling session do you think?

All advice well received.
Thanks for listening
Ellie
Ellie
 

Re: No-one believes me.

Unread postby Joe » Mon Dec 12, 2011 3:25 pm

Ask him how many of his friends and family drink everyday. Or get drunk all the time. If you know your a alcoholic then help yourself. If he doesn't help you then he's not your best friend in life. He needs to be there for you. I think it's a good idea to goto counseling to make him understand. Good job on day 6 keep it up it gets easier everyday. By the time you know it you won't even think about it anymore. Believe me it sucks for a while but if I can stop using 30 or more pills a day. You can do it to.

Good luck Joe
Joe
 

Re: No-one believes me.

Unread postby Ellie123 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 8:34 am

Update: Nothing changed. When I ask (plead!) that no alcohol - not even beer - is in the house, he says, "I'm a MAN and I WANT beer in the fridge. Period!"

This man is the love of my life. But he refuses to accept that I have a problem that I've been honest about from before we even got together. I can only see one way out. But I am without any means of income. I have tried to show him what happens when I'm trashed, but the sex is so good (for him I don't remember anything) he wont accept that I will not 'get better'. He feels cheated I think (what he considers to be great sex is no longer available). And I feel cheated out of a life. I'm' not living a life. I'm living a slow death of both my marriage and myself.

We had a big fight a couple of years ago - largely due to my frustration at his lack of understanding - at the end of a night out where he bought me wine after wine after wine. I knew, even in my inebriated state, that I was uncomfortable with the situation growing around me - at which point another full glass appears in front of me. The next day, waking up in a trashed house from the row the night before - he STILL wont admit I have a problem!

The trouble is, that because I don't look like i belong in the gutter he, like his friends, thinks this is some silly notion. He wont believe anything until he sees it for himself. I refuse to put myself in the gutter to prove a point - by then it will be too late for all of us anyway. I have gone as far as I dare go in showing him what happens. I am angry that any disappointment he feels about this is entirely his own fault for not listening. I was two years booze free before this. Needless to say I am gutted to find myself at this juncture.

I am here because I am asking for some perspective from you all, before I have one final attempt to get him to understand.
Am I right or wrong to keep banging on about this? Should I just leave? Should I shut up and be thankful for everything else my husband brings to this marriage (despite the bottom two drawers of the fridge being FULL with beer)? Feeling lost and helpless.
Ellie123
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Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2014 1:19 pm

Re: No-one believes me.

Unread postby Guest » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:25 pm

He is being unfair, and of course he doesn't want to think his wife has a problem. It plays into his insecurities.
Guest
 

Re: No-one believes me.

Unread postby Joev7 » Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:57 pm

I am the alcoholic in my house. I have a wife and 5 boys. As the lady stated above I don't look as though I came out of a gutter. Sober for a year 5 months, the wife doesn't understand why I continue to go to meetings. She says I treat Aa as though I was a bum living under a bridge. When I stopped drinking I felt THATS IT! no more alcohol in the house! When I would see some left over from my older sons having friends over I would be irate. Don't they know they are leaving cheese for this rat!!? How can they be so blind to what I'm going through? Fact is they are blind. I'm the only one who needs to understand. That wasn't easy or quick for me to get. As I came to understand that they don't "get it" my anger and hurt feelings started subsiding. My wish is I want everyone to conform to my problem as they should. I would for them I think, but I probably wouldn't, and didn't now that I think about it. Had a sister living with me as she was recovering from drugs/ alcohol. I had beer in my fridge. She was the one who had the problem, not me. Funny how things can go. If I was to give advise; haha me give advice, go easy on the ones closest to you who don't understand how we feel, because as you take it easy on them you will come to realize you're actually giving yourself the break.
Joev7
 


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