new to the site and to the north

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new to the site and to the north

Unread postby newbie » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:25 am

I just stumbled on this site while looking for an AA meeting. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic (yet) but I really want to stop drinking so much and I'm finding it really hard to stop which scares me. I started drinking at 18 and regularly at 19. I am 25 and other than a few brief periods of a few days break or cutting down for a month here or there, I've been drinking every night for like 3 or 4 years. I had a series of really bad relationships full of sexual and emotional abuse with angry guys, drug addicts etc(perpetuated by my well intentioned but foolish choice to stay) which only made my anxiety and ticks ten times worse. I think when I started using drinking as a way to cope with pain and anxiety my drinking got harder to quit and increased. I don't drink in the day and for a while only had a glass or two of wine a night but the last couple years its more like 2-3 large glasses or over half a bottle a night. I know quantity wise that's less than some but what bugs me is how hard it has gotten to stop. I got married last October and had successfully cut my drinking in half in January (despite finding out about a slew of painful betrayals 3 months before the wedding ) but then found more in February and my new good habits went out the window. After I had a small mental breakdown, we were able to work through it, got in couples counseling, I did a few indv sessions and I got a great job. Life is (other than painful memories and anxiety) actually good for the first time in a long time so I can't understand why I can't seem to stop boozing every night. to make matters worse, my dad struggled with drug and alcohol addiction when he was my age and my husband has watched multiple of his family members get ill or even die from alcoholism. I feel disappointed in myself for not being able to stop and I feel so guilty struggling with this knowing what my husband has had to watch happen to his own family because of alcoholism. Whenever I try to take a night off (which I have only done 2 days during a stomach flue since February) I get extreme anxiety, racing heart, irrational fears and restlessness in addition to flat out boredom and irritability. It hasn't impacted my work, gym time or family relationships...I don't get angry or violent...and I don't black out-which is all great except since I'm mostly functional it seems that much harder to quit. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if my habits are as messed up as they seem to me. I just moved from florida to pa last October and all my friends in florida were mostly bartenders (as was I, though I'm not anymore) so I don't really have a clear frame of reference. I enjoy drinking but I want to get a healthier handle on it. Like even if I cut down to 2-3 times a week drinking like a glass or two of wine I feel like I would be ok with that. I don't know anyone here and I just don't really know how to start, plus when I get craving I talk myself out of it -like I tell myself it's not a big deal but then I feel bad the next day for giving in again. Any suggestions/advice is welcome and I apologize for the obscenely long post

Re: new to the site and to the north

Unread postby DrSheilaHereNow » Mon Sep 05, 2016 1:28 pm

Hi: I am in PA, and moving to Wayne, so welcome fellow Pennsylvanian. Sounds as if you have been surrounded by this disease in many areas of your life. This may sound off, but why not start with some Al-Anon meetings with the hope of understanding what you have been through and how you got there. It is a wonderful organization and you see miracles every day. While you went to couple's counseling, it doesn't sound as if the issues that caused you to enter abusive relationships are understood by you.

Last bumped by Anonymous on Mon Sep 05, 2016 1:28 pm.
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